A message to Christians or those beginning a relationship with Jesus

I started a daily Christian meditation practice almost a year ago, when I found myself uncomfortable during the first lockdown. I developed some confidence which I believe was a direct result of having a regular meditation practice, and went back to school to study health and wellness. My mind and heart opened to other forms of spirituality. I had a sort of homecoming with yogic and Buddhist teachings that started me on my path, twenty years ago. This began in January with mindfulness meditations, simply sitting upright and focusing on my breath. Since this past week I have been practicing some more intentional meditations, and am loving the chakra mantras I am using. 

That said, I still have my Christian foundation that I rely on to decide for me what I will view or participate in, as I now witness on social media different expressions of spirituality through my openness and growth. And in this brave new world I’ve been seeing some posts to participate in the honouring of or communion with Hindu deities.

This is a tricky one for me. On the one hand, my new studies have taught me about cultural appropriation, and on the other, I still pay homage to only one god. There is a difference between religion (worship) and dharma (ethos), and using my discernment, I draw lines I won’t cross.

Jesus told us to be as wise as serpents, and as gentle as doves (Matthew 10.16). Though I've been studying and practicing these beautiful forms of ancient Indian healing such as mindfulness and chakra balancing meditations, I must still protect my spiritual marriage to Christ. I seek to use my discernment by looking up words in mantras, so that I can make a judgement called based on my relationship with him. 

In the final analysis, it is between us and our own conceptions of God, which I believe we must decide on before embarking upon any substantial spiritual healing. This is because we will come to rely on this deity or concept for superhuman strength and guidance, so establishing a connection at the beginning is really of the utmost importance.

Therefore, I appeal to all Christians - however one identifies with Christ, or to those who are curious about Jesus and are beginning to ask questions, even if not out loud just yet - to be thoughtful when encountering practices that could compete for his attention. 

I have been studying and practicing my spirituality for many years. I have gone to heroic heights and disastrous depths in my searching, and today I feel I'm in a place where I can be crafty and not backslide. If this is not the case for you, if you are still on soft foundation in your relationship with Jesus, I simply request that you do a bit of research before watching, reading, or chanting. Thank you.

Living in Sensitive Fulfillment

I have been reading nightly as part of my Lenten practice from a Catholic book I was given years ago. Since one of the pillars of this time is prayer, I have been meditating on the teaching of the Trinity, and this particular book is in no way light reading. I am currently reading a section on purification and conversion of the soul, and in it are teachings about death and the shortness of our life here on earth.

A powerful question was posed: how would I live each day, like it's my last? I would tell a whole bunch of people directly that I love them. And I came to an important conclusion: I think a lot, if not all of us, would ensure to connect with at least one loved one or at least one estranged family member. We would forgive at least one enemy and maybe even confess a transgression or two. 

Since I imagine everyone's last day on earth would look just about the same - full of love and honesty and forgiveness - why don't we then just live this way in default? And I realized that this, I believe, is the paradox we face living in the world: we want to live open and free, but we instead live closed and held in. We are spiritual beings having a human experience, and that experience has hardened us somehow.

Micheal A. Singer talks about this closing of the heart in his book, The Untethered Soul, as disappointments that leave impressions on our minds and hearts. Through these influences we are ruled by the desperate need to resist or cling to people places and things. I believe that in time these hurts buildup, and we begin to close ourselves off. 

I know for myself, when I look back to my childhood, I remember feeling free. Even though I was governed by a ton of rules, and hurtful things happened, they hadn't left any impacts on me. I think that in time physiological changes occur during our development, where the impressions are more lasting: we no longer intuitively shake them off. Therefore, we must develop practices to help massage them out. 

I believe we must first relieve ourselves of these impressions, by telling someone we trust about our traumas and difficulties, whether a professional health care worker or a trusted friend. When we release the stress and stop building the walls that keep us isolated, entrapped, and not living the way we truly want, once  we have purged that pain, we can change the way we interpret the world. 

The more true paradox is living openly. Through courageous and vulnerable living, we can show up feeling fulfilled, purposeful, and safe. Free from snares, free from the fear of death, and in love with ourselves and the world around us. Connected, sustained, and held together through a loving energy that always reminds us that we are on the right path, no matter what. 

Welcome March!

I'm really looking forward to March. I have a really good feeling about it, and this spring-like weather melting these mounds of snow is definitely contributing to my optimism.

It's been a tough winter, with the lockdown and an extended break between the two semesters in my coaching program, as we now move past midterms, I am feeling a bit more balanced. I am very ready for the upcoming equinox! And after having practiced my first kundalni yoga kriya in over 10 years, almost randomly this morning (though I don't believe anything is ever truly random), I feel so beautifully connected to myself and nature. 

There were some major events that happened to me (for me) since the fall. One was pretty intense, and shook me to my core, causing a pause on all spirituality other than Christianity. The second was one was during January's full moon when I, again by happenstance, saw something on social media about my zodiac sign that spoke directly to a communication mishap I was experiencing, and it miraculously comforted me immediately. So this past month, I've had some reunions. 

This time is different, because I am different. I don't have the fear I used to have. I've been working diligently, tweaking my protective field as I go along. And while Life will probably always throw me a curveball to test me, I don't have to play the victim anymore. 

I wanted to share some messages that I received in my very amateur card reading that I did for March. These are some themes that I have been cultivating or working toward, and that I think can be used by anyone to help build happy moments. 

The overall theme is about relationships. Either sustaining and/or building and/or amending these contacts. Focusing on healthy communication, and the joy of connection from these exchanges. The topics that came up are:

1) Rising above challenges, discover ways to build resiliency. Being mindful to keep it simple, basic, and honest. 

2) Being fearless, trusting that God, however we understand this Source as, will always come to our aid, should we just make the effort to connect. I am also feeling very connected to cycles/phases right now and finding comfort in the coming and going of lessons and opportunities for growth.

3) Reading, meditation, and contemplation. I have been in a period of deep introspection this past month. The last card I pulled reinstated that this quiet time will continue to be a theme for March. This is a divinely guided invitation to grow in a deeper understanding of life and confidence in purpose. Being my own master. For years I was told to "Do the work", or "Go within", when all I wanted was a teacher or guide to impart knowledge and wisdom and comfort to me. This past month, or full moon cycle more specifically, I have been almost unable to take in information, or be influenced by people. I have gone deep within, not to ascertain special information, but just to feel grounded. It's been monumental and feels incredible. At this point I am just enjoying it and seeing how long it will last, or if this is actually my new reality. 

Since I've been living quite privately, both emotionally and physically, I am not sure if these messages will resonate with people. But I hope it does, because no matter what cards or what fun I had creating this, I believe these are general tenants to a fulfilling life. I've been pretty off with the turn of events for over a year now. The pandemic defied me at every level, so while I feel really good about March and the equinox, I'm aware of the murmurs of a third wave. My goal as a wellness coach, a spiritualist, and a general person in the world, is to help spread the message of resiliency, because I believe that to be a powerful inoculation. Welcome March, welcome equinox, and may we all find new ways every day to live well. 🙏

Choosing Priorities

As I continue on my healing journey, I can see now how much I people-pleased, because I was so afraid of someone being mad at me, or not liking me at all. I would therefore say yes to tasks or duties that I didn't want to partake in, or I would neglect my own priorities in order to make other people happy.  This was ultimately a lack of boundaries, which at times happened because I would get swept up in the moment, and just so happy to connect with someone. Other people's comfort ended up mattering more to me than my own. And while this can appear nice, it doesn't work when trying to make goals.

I also lacked the boundaries needed to put my own work first, because I was so afraid of someone talking badly about me, or being annoyed with me. One of the greatest things I learned in my recovery is the saying, "What other people think of me is none of my business." Once I learned that even with the best of intentions, the most carefully selected words, the most well thought-out responses, I can still do or say, or not say or not do, something that offends someone, or doesn't meet their need. Letting go of the outcome, and letting go of other people's judgements, has been one way that's helped free me from my people-pleasing tendencies. 

Now as I enter a new phase of my development, and I reemerge from months of lockdown, I strive to maintain my priorities, which can be challenging. To be able to say no, to be able to stand up for myself which in turn might cause offence or displeasure to someone, has been a huge undertaking that is winning me peace. I have had to really affirm that I am taking care of my mental health (which will reflect in my physical health), and this also includes being compassionate with myself. 

Part of saying no, part of establishing and maintaining boundaries, can have pushback, even with myself. I want to go on the attack, and call myself lazy, unmotivated, or impoverished. But I pause and look at the reality of the situation instead, and see that I am none of those things, and that being mean to myself isn't helpful. Rather, I find courage, motivation, and abundance within myself, and bring it out to show up in this world with enthusiasm and resiliency. This is what my work today is all about. 

When I make a plan, and when I accept that my plan might not allow me to realistically put everyone who I want to put first in that place all the time, I can take a moment to reflect on those feelings, and as Marshall Rosenberg wrote in Nonviolent Communication, observe the situation, instead of evaluate it. Placing boundaries doesn't mean that I care about anyone less, it just means that I have a goal, and I want to achieve it. 

Having a vision, having boundaries, and having the self-compassion to see my work through, gives me a blueprint for success that allows me to show up 100% of the time, even when my people-pleasing habits want to diminish my efforts. Slow living and valuing myself have been two skills that I have developed this past year, and it is worth the discomfort of learning to exist in an alternative paradigm that I suspect in time will become more commonplace as we continue to navigate a pandemic-ridden world, and make plans for the other side of it.

Tree of Life by Peggy Davis

Showing up with an Open Heart

I want to live a life where I am constantly connected to my purpose, my "why". While it might not seem realistic to be eternally inspired, I want to at least create a life where there is an open invitation to connect, when disconnected. I believe this is what self-care ultimately is. It's putting up boundaries to the world and saying, "I will take a time-out to reboot my mind". Part of the work is for us to learn what rebooting looks like, what our purpose is. 

I also want to live a life where I am constantly connected to others. That no matter how I feel, I not only show up, but I participate open-heartedly. I even want to take that a step further, and be of service. And while a part of me uses service as a way to make amends for my past transgressions, and where I still have to learn some boundaries, I want to evolve this into giving even more selflessly. 

I have fallen into the trap of the mind that says life should be easy, or that I should have abundance. And while I do believe these principles to be true, what easy and abundant look like today are vastly different from a year ago. For me today, easy looks like keeping a calm and focused mind, and abundance looks like opportunities, not things. 

I am the happiest when I am in my "why". This "why" is sacred now, it is something that I develop an intimate relationship with, by spending time with it each day, cultivating it, mediating on it. The "why" is between us and God. Even in coaching, I'm trained to not ask people "why"; for me, this shows how unique this word is. 

Because I have learned how to connect with my purpose, I can feel satisfied even in the most humble situations. Even in talking with just a couple of friends, speaking from the heart, discussing change and healing, I feel the magic now. I feel a sense of power that makes me believe we can change the world. 

The conversation has shifted. The pandemic has opened a lot of people up to topics that might have once been considered shameful. Strangely enough, it's only in talking about the shame that we release it and get free from it. Little pockets are popping up, all over the world. In a time of lockdown people are unifying and consolidating, revisiting and revising, all in the name of connection, and the recovery of an innocence that we let go of when we started moving too fast.

One of the first things I did when I wanted to reclaim my connection was slow down. I slowed down on the road, which basically means I went the actual speed limit. That was a bit of a scary change, because I annoyed fellow drivers, and I felt the pressure. But I learned how to stick in my lane and hold my own. That simple act of slowing down made me feel like I had some control over my day. It's actually quite meaningful to take extra time to get from one place to the other. 

Then I extended that slowing down. I didn't try to go ahead of pedestrians on the road when they were crossing. I gave them time to cross safely on their own time. Then when I was on foot myself, I let people go ahead of me where there was a near collision in the plazas and stores. This, I think, is a great way to begin to slow down, and connect with our purpose. We are literally training the brain to take it easy, and not only that, we are showing it that we will not be missing out on anything, or more importantly losing anything, when we show little acts of connection by offering some time. 

Taking it to another level, this is how we can truly connect with our "why". When we see that it is safe to slow down, we can then extend that kindness to ourselves. The act of self-love that we demonstrate when we take a moment to reboot in an act of self-care is nourishment for our souls; it's fuel to keep showing up open-heartedly, and in that as a satisfied and abundant person. 

Non-Striving in Mindfulness

I began my first mindfulness class tonight, as part of my wellness coaching program. I have been meditating in the morning since the spring, but I have no real practice with mindfulness, other than more recently concentrating on being in the present and letting go of what I can't control (which is just about everything!).

I learnt that "non-striving" is an attitudinal factor of mindfulness, and I was very happy about this, because I have trauma from my distant kundalini yoga practice that was a direct result of striving. Over exertion and nearly impossible standards led to very real health concerns. I subsequently turned to the Christian faith, where I felt free from excessive demands. 

Therefore, I have not had any real connection to yogic teachings in over a decade. The severity of my fallout repelled me from almost all forms of Eastern thought, so I felt some apprehension having to take this course. But when I discovered that this class is truly about non-bias, I could feel myself open up more and more as the night went on. I even found myself getting excited hearing about Eastern terms again, and reading quotes by yoga teachers. 

There is a huge battle between the evangelicals and the new age movement, and for over 10 years I chose a side, with minor slips back to my pre-Christian teachings in the early years of my conversion. But being academically introduced to mindfulness has been very refreshing. Learning from a trusted source takes a lot of the pressure off, and it reminds me that I am autonomous over my own thoughts. and not mindlessly subjected to talking heads on YouTube who have greatly influenced me over the years.

I am very excited to implement a daily mindful meditation routine to my evening schedule, which will also compliment my long-term goal of having a routine of an examination of conscience before bed. I feel happy to be reacquainted with Eastern techniques, and to understand them not as a threat, but rather to know the basic historical recognition for concepts that I was already applying to my life, and this is only fair. 

Image by ElisaRiva from Pixabay

Seeking Perfection in God

I have been contemplating what a perfect Christian looks like. Daily prayer and meditation, daily Bible study, bold proclamation of the gospel, daily denial of the self, denunciation of all idolatry and any sort of non-Christian spirituality...but then I read something that dawned a light on my faulty reasoning. 

One of Jesus' first teachings was on heavenly perfection, and I got to see it in a new light:

“You have heard that it was said, ‘You shall love your neighbor and hate your enemy.’ But I say to you, love your enemies, bless those who curse you, do good to those who hate you, and pray for those who spitefully use you and persecute you, that you may be sons of your Father in heaven; for He makes His sun rise on the evil and on the good, and sends rain on the just and on the unjust. For if you love those who love you, what reward have you? Do not even the tax collectors do the same? And if you greet your brethren only, what do you do more than others? Do not even the tax collectors do so? Therefore you shall be perfect, just as your Father in heaven is perfect." (Matthew 5. 43-8).

Something that I truly have learnt in 2020 after being placed in multiple lockdowns and then taking my world almost entirely to the internet where I got to experience a new reality, and after a huge and horrible scandal in the yoga community that I was connected to in the past, is that I gave people more credit and blind trust than was healthy. 

And after a significant release of items that no longer (if they ever truly did) serve me right before the winter, coupled with the incredible growth and determination upon returning to school online to facilitate a career change, I began to feel empowered to not only make my own choices, but to have the strength to be willing to accept any fallout from potential mistakes. 

I have concluded that no one person can offer me the full toolbox to salvation. In the final analysis my redemption and relationship with God is an inside job that I must achieve from within. People who are bestowed with gifts of the Holy Spirit that are used in helping others can help me on my journey, but they can't offer true transformation. 

Through my efforts to know God, I realized a teaching that is pivotal in the Christian faith. The crux of our relationship with God is to undergo a transformation of the heart. (Ezekiel 36.26). One way that I put people on pedestals was in assuming that what I saw on the outside was a perfect representation of what was on the inside. I didn't believe that I had the power to question anything that was being taught, and in so, I gave others credit instead of myself. The reasons for, and the results of that, is another post altogether. 

Ultimately, I had to refocus, and that took a bit of work. I had to navigate inherent fear in order to walk confidently on my path. Today instead of trying to be perfect externally, I work to maximize moments of inspiration, show quiet respect for moments of lacklustre, and correct moments of error, all the while remembering that Christianity is ultimately a relational spirituality, and that means it requires flexibility and acceptance of the grey areas. In this development, I now have space to find pieces of truth, and to connect to God in a way that helps me move through this world, with a renewed heart.