Non-Striving in Mindfulness

I began my first mindfulness class tonight, as part of my wellness coaching program. I have been meditating in the morning since the spring, but I have no real practice with mindfulness, other than more recently concentrating on being in the present and letting go of what I can't control (which is just about everything!).

I learnt that "non-striving" is an attitudinal factor of mindfulness, and I was very happy about this, because I have trauma from my distant kundalini yoga practice that was a direct result of striving. Over exertion and nearly impossible standards led to very real health concerns. I subsequently turned to the Christian faith, where I felt free from excessive demands. 

Therefore, I have not had any real connection to yogic teachings in over a decade. The severity of my fallout repelled me from almost all forms of Eastern thought, so I felt some apprehension having to take this course. But when I discovered that this class is truly about non-bias, I could feel myself open up more and more as the night went on. I even found myself getting excited hearing about Eastern terms again, and reading quotes by yoga teachers. 

There is a huge battle between the evangelicals and the new age movement, and for over 10 years I chose a side, with minor slips back to my pre-Christian teachings in the early years of my conversion. But being academically introduced to mindfulness has been very refreshing. Learning from a trusted source takes a lot of the pressure off, and it reminds me that I am autonomous over my own thoughts. and not mindlessly subjected to talking heads on YouTube who have greatly influenced me over the years.

I am very excited to implement a daily mindful meditation routine to my evening schedule, which will also compliment my long-term goal of having a routine of an examination of conscience before bed. I feel happy to be reacquainted with Eastern techniques, and to understand them not as a threat, but rather to know the basic historical recognition for concepts that I was already applying to my life, and this is only fair. 

Image by ElisaRiva from Pixabay

Seeking Perfection in God

I have been contemplating what a perfect Christian looks like. Daily prayer and meditation, daily Bible study, bold proclamation of the gospel, daily denial of the self, denunciation of all idolatry and any sort of non-Christian spirituality...but then I read something that dawned a light on my faulty reasoning. 

One of Jesus' first teachings was on heavenly perfection, and I got to see it in a new light:

“You have heard that it was said, ‘You shall love your neighbor and hate your enemy.’ But I say to you, love your enemies, bless those who curse you, do good to those who hate you, and pray for those who spitefully use you and persecute you, that you may be sons of your Father in heaven; for He makes His sun rise on the evil and on the good, and sends rain on the just and on the unjust. For if you love those who love you, what reward have you? Do not even the tax collectors do the same? And if you greet your brethren only, what do you do more than others? Do not even the tax collectors do so? Therefore you shall be perfect, just as your Father in heaven is perfect." (Matthew 5. 43-8).

Something that I truly have learnt in 2020 after being placed in multiple lockdowns and then taking my world almost entirely to the internet where I got to experience a new reality, and after a huge and horrible scandal in the yoga community that I was connected to in the past, is that I gave people more credit and blind trust than was healthy. 

And after a significant release of items that no longer (if they ever truly did) serve me right before the winter, coupled with the incredible growth and determination upon returning to school online to facilitate a career change, I began to feel empowered to not only make my own choices, but to have the strength to be willing to accept any fallout from potential mistakes. 

I have concluded that no one person can offer me the full toolbox to salvation. In the final analysis my redemption and relationship with God is an inside job that I must achieve from within. People who are bestowed with gifts of the Holy Spirit that are used in helping others can help me on my journey, but they can't offer true transformation. 

Through my efforts to know God, I realized a teaching that is pivotal in the Christian faith. The crux of our relationship with God is to undergo a transformation of the heart. (Ezekiel 36.26). One way that I put people on pedestals was in assuming that what I saw on the outside was a perfect representation of what was on the inside. I didn't believe that I had the power to question anything that was being taught, and in so, I gave others credit instead of myself. The reasons for, and the results of that, is another post altogether. 

Ultimately, I had to refocus, and that took a bit of work. I had to navigate inherent fear in order to walk confidently on my path. Today instead of trying to be perfect externally, I work to maximize moments of inspiration, show quiet respect for moments of lacklustre, and correct moments of error, all the while remembering that Christianity is ultimately a relational spirituality, and that means it requires flexibility and acceptance of the grey areas. In this development, I now have space to find pieces of truth, and to connect to God in a way that helps me move through this world, with a renewed heart. 

The Fruits of the Spirit's Gifts

I must labour to receive the fruits of God. I achieve results through prayer and shadow work that I work through in order to be free of the characteristics which keep me from truly knowing peace, and that I still must continually maintain. The Apostle Paul wrote about what spiritual fruits look like, and from my own journey in regeneration, I can recognize moments in my life where I experience these blessings.

To be fortified and supported in the divine order of life, to be mature in understanding and in action, to be unified in the community, and to be of service, to be loving of others (and myself), to be healthy and grow, to fit together and work in unity and purpose, to be full and complete in our walk with God. These are the fruits we can eat from, once we accept the task to be rid of the old, and open to receive the new. The new being a heart of flesh. 

The fruits of God are available for anyone whoso desires to start a new life, because at their root, they are what permit right and purposeful living, which I believe God desires for all who seek healing. The evidence is a life of commitment, compassion, and fairness. But the old person must discipline themselves in order to let their new identity come forward. We must say no to the ego, and say yes to being open and honest about where we really are at. Only then can we begin to live in the fruits of the Spirit, offered by utilizing the gifts of the Spirit, and the admission is humility.