Time to consider in a new season

In preparing my new fashion blog, updating my LinkedIn, and researching designers instead of philosophers, my personal study and blog has taken a hit. In working on physical alchemy - transforming my career path - my spiritual alchemy has taken a back seat. Now I am working on giving more time to my regenerative work, because I simply don't feel good without it.

I received a powerful message today that it's time to tune into the stillness where God resides. Lately I've been moving frenetically, and while I was conscious to invite God into my life sporadically throughout my days while hoping that my works would bear the fruit I crave, it hasn't been sustainable. Instead of travelling into that centre where there is complete love, I was orbiting along the periphery, and in that there were always conditions attached that I required for a satisfying day.

My breath has been cut off for months - my entire life source! In tending to the rich, I left my nourishment behind, because I believed I couldn't move fast enough to do both a good job and maintain my connection to my spiritual practice, which comes firstly from my breath.

Time is money, that is a fact which I have learnt, and for some reason, I thought I couldn't work hard enough or fast enough and still breathe freely at the same time. I held my breath for the entire fall and winter seasons, and last week when I tried to get back to square breathing (inhale, hold, exhale, hold), my heartbeat sped up because there was resistance. It felt like a psychic attack. How did I get so far off track?

Now I am returning to a place of calmness where all inspiration and sustenance are drawn from. This rebound to reconnect is incredibly challenging because time isn't just money - it is a condition placed on all life and I have found that I cannot manage it. As I revisit spiritual alchemy, I learn balance. I learn reverence for all the parts of a day that need attention. What needs to be changed or modified in my life to ensure that I am moving at a healthy pace and that my material, spiritual, and emotional needs are met?

Spring is here and it is time for renewal. I know what I need to do, and life really isn't that complicated. I am powerless over time, but I can still work in accordance with it: I can learn how to master what time I am given. This new season, it will be the rebirth of my breath and my connection to God, or to Life Source.

February is the coldest month

Since January 2011, I have posted at least one article per month. At times I chose a blog interface where the side of the homepage showed each year active, and viewers could see every month under the year, denoting articles. I felt a sense of accomplishment and pride. For February 2019 however, there will not be any articles displaying. This is because after a disappointing start to the new year in January, and a new assignment that kept me from my computer, I really only communicated through poems. And rather graphic ones, at that. I realized near the end of the month, I wasn't comfortable keeping them up, and so they are no longer available for viewing.

When I looked at my dashboard upon preparing for this entry, not entirely sure the direction of the piece, I could see five drafts posted in February, two of them works in progress from the end of December - all poems. I have always loved poetry; my dream in high school was to be studied as a writer and my fear was not being appreciated until postmortem. But I had a very long hiatus from writing poetry, since the end of high school. This is for various reasons, but what brought me back to writing poetry was the death of a best friend in 2013, which broke my heart into multiple pieces, all representing different parts of what I grieved. My sorrow closed all of my feelings in, and writing out key words in a gentle rhythm was the only way I could in a quiet way during a vulnerable time express my pain.

As the years went on, I realized poetry was the best way for me to, in a safe, healthy, creative, and satisfying way, release feelings of rejection, loss, and staticity. So to see that I will not be posting any pieces for February because they were all poems, which I decided through healing in the latter part of the month were no longer cohesive to this blog, I now reflect on this seeming failure to not maintain my status quo after many years.

But was it a failure? Of course not. I wrote prolifically, and a couple of those pieces I am proud of, but for now they are for my memory only. I believe writing poetry is the most pure and basic way to reach the end goal of catharsis and if it's a good piece, others will in some way relate to it, and maybe even take a phrase to go along with them on this trek through the wilderness toward liberation from stress.