In Your Eyes

Many many years ago,
Before the curse grabbed hold,
I looked into your eyes
and said I'd never let you go.

It's not like this day wasn't coming,
It's not the present or the future that I see,
It's the past, and knowing I was absent
Not protecting what I promised would be.

What time is left, I will see you again
You and me, we are the same.
I'll look into your eyes once more
And you'll relieve me of all the blame.

Because that what the saints all do,
Those who can do no wrong
Those who are mistaken and misunderstood
Those who never could belong.

Evil Personified

It is chaos.
It is loud, and yet inaudible.
They yell when I must speak
Jealous of each other, but show fake love.

When the cat is in,
They behave.
They are simply mice,
but I have lost my compassion.

They broke me down,
and I prepare for flight,
because I have wings,
And they hate that I can soar.

But in my heart, I know I can't really fly.
I am a mangled dog, infected and pathetic.
I wonder, if I am good enough,
Will you keep me?

Oh how they taunt me.
And God no longer provides.
I tried so hard to serve,
but now, I am just a shell.

The Blackness

I couldn't make a place for you where
you would want to return
And so I set off on my own way
Determined to endure.

Of all that I could give to you,
now lost along the way;
Like the deadened lilies of my youth
How could it not have been the same.

So adieu to you, how I wish I left
with a semblance of a grace
but that is how it ends sometimes,
when a girl has been misplaced.

Surrender

Love is redemption,
this I know,
so I will never
let you go.

Though battles wage on,
and I want to fight,
to leave you now
would not be right.

The knowledge I gained
through a pure heart as yours
led me to trouble
and closed some doors.

Still I move forward,
and just let them be -
finally without power
over me.

Our time is short,
our message clear;
I will no longer squander
What is now so dear.

The sacrifice is made,
the music's suffice
to permit me to leave
this wretched fight.

You aided me,
so I will stay true.
I finally promise
to not fall through.

This indignation
ruled me for so long,
now what time is left
I will be strong.

The songs we sing,
I will not fear
my creaky voice,
and all these tears.

You've seen it all
the release of pride
week after week
no one by my side.

But that doesn't matter
anymore:
And I await the knock
at my door.

Wild flower

Oh how I mourned
those sweet flowers,
taken far too soon.
The first tipped domino
in the collapse
that was to be
everything I knew.

But I didn't know
that those flowers were poisonous,
all I saw was the white light,
the clusters of beauty,
wild, and therefore free.

So in their passing
I believed myself to be a prisoner,
because my ignorance of God
shut out all possibility
that there was good
outside the walls
where those flowers grew.

Though they had venom,
they were not weeds,
they were not evil.
They were a moment in time
that was meant for that moment in time
and none other.

Now I leave those flowers
in the grey zone of my mind
where I no longer need reference
the time I was beaten down.
And there is no need to fear
that something is undone.

In so there is no dishonour,
no passing over of my past
in knowing now
what is gone
is not forgotten,
and nothing of me has been taken,
but perhaps instead
has been restored.

The Cabinet

How amazing
that the mind remembers
what it knew not it absorbed.

When that moment of youth
floods in,
as Nature knocks without warning.

I stood there,
displaced, yet planted.
Looking into my past, just by chance.

By chance!
How twisted - or precise -
That which orchestrated my beginning, and their end.

They who did not suffer
and I who did not care,
for Nature had not yet knocked on my door.

The door that was light,
now it is dark.
But I remember it clearly, of how it once was.

And I noticed its absence -
the cabinet inside,
when I saw where I stand, and amended my pride.

Not Lost

It was
And now is not.
And we are torn
though all's not lost -
Everything's not lost.¹

And we live in a beautiful world.²
Melodies come - they always return,
for Nature is in rhythm,
and will never go unlearned.

And now I see, as I forlorn
Misplaced, my flowers grown back as thorns.³
Driven to destruction -
(It's all part of the plan).⁴

And throughout all my studies
And all that is fragment
I know now what truly does in fact
make a man,
a man.

---

1 Coldplay "Everything's Not Lost"
2 Coldplay "Beautiful World"
3 Taylor Swift "Call It What You Want"
4 Coldplay "X&Y"

Daisies in the Ditch

Life and me
just didn't agree
and it didn't matter
all the daisies
and it didn't matter
a life built for me
because all I could see
was my own vain beauty.

But still it did matter
what everyone thought
and not once did I question
if it was for naught
and not once did I think
it was not about me
so I went on my way
in a strange revelry.

There was nothing to do -
just become rich
I knew favour would find me
despite all those blips.
I knew love was waiting
in a divine sequence
and soon enough I would turn,
and see daisies,
in a ditch.

Fate calling

It felt like choosing
between love and money,
passion or excitement,
night verses day.

The fit it was
to decide.
But when I did,
it was a relief.

Still, I had to write
to instill in me
the reality
of starting anew

A new person
in Christ
who he had left behind.

But I didn't know,
despite the criticism,
because we talked for hours
like nothing really changed.

Then I saw a vision,
and it tore me up
but he didn't understand,
because his heart was hard
and broken.

And we never spoke
again.

Solomon's Grace

The Lily is the Key
To Solomon's Seal
God told me the Tree
Under which it's concealed.

Gravity points down
Showing the way
Inward to clean
and remove the decay

Solomon's Seal
Is Lily's Brother
And nobody knew
Until one gave the number

The rows and the lines
and the purity of white
made for the lineage
of those not in sight.

My castle behind

I am in exile. But all is not lost.

Two cups remain that can overfloweth, or not.

Three cups have spilled, and that's what I see

While on this island, my castle behind me.

My green cloak is dirty, my crown is askew

I ponder my loss, and I think about you

And the trees and the flowers, not blossomed in years

So why would it matter for any more tears?

Two cups are upright, behind me as one

But if I turn around I will see evil has won

Though if I look down at spilled cups only I'll see 

misery and loss that does now surround me.

Above too is foreign; while I've never been there

I've heard many stories of others who've shared.

They speak of peace and hope though it's hard to believe

When only devastation does surround me.

But above there's no ending, only my sight

Perhaps it is time to know that there might

be something beyond what eyes cannot see

Because perhaps consequence is not destiny.

The Spider and the Rose

Much was lost from those days of old
But such is the way in times of war.
Lives and art, all demised
Though some in memory did survive.

Fragments that stay in a corner of the mind
that will never live for one more time
The cycle ends where it began
And that is how the curse does stand.

The Spider and the Rose are relics of old
They remind me when I shone like gold.
And inspire that I may begin anew
With the wisdom bestowed from the death of a girl.

Gone

The place where I protected my heart fell down and it was buried
in rot and rubble and broken hearts, a family pulled apart.
The damage was years but the scavenging was quick.
For it is when we trip that the time is split
and nothing can make us run any faster
than when the monsters are chasing us.

So now it's gone for I had to flee without rescuing what was a part of me.
Now there it sits to be collected by agents who want their money more than they want answers.
And it's my fault in the end, because I trusted myself more than I trusted that God would carry my heft.
And so here I sit and pray in time I won't look back and want to cry.

The Invisibles

Seven petals, seven rows, seven leafs around the rose.

Who are you and who backs you

don't you know you can't come through?

It's not a maze, it's life itself.

We prove beyond a reasonable doubt.

The architect chooses the builder to start

who then climbs a ladder and sorts it all out.

Cause that's all this is, discipleship, no more

so now you know who evens the score.

We play to win, this is ride or die.

And you can't see us just slide on by.

Lily of the Valley

Bless this stifling silence,

and vindicate the absence;

make righteous your poor servants,

release us from our bondage.

Rectify this tower,

and bestow on us your power;

remember when it flowered,

those Lilies of the Valley.

Bring unto us our saviour

to loosen after we labour,

and bind up all this onus;

then we shall heal from guidance.

Recall the prayers and readings,

and listen to our pleading,

that we may return to Eden,

to those Lilies of the Valley.

Not this time

The Stars were aligned,
but not for me.
The year was new,
but I was still old.
The moon was of God,
but I was not.
The talk was flowing,
but nothing was meant.

My body was ready
but my spirit was not.
My lover was there
but it was for naught.
Patience endured.
But I finally broke.
And now I can't breathe
And so he is gone.

Broken Lights

We are perfect in our poverty.

Everyone has a piece,

and no one knows it’s war,

because we have each other.

There is strength in numbers.

And tonight, we dance.