I Am Abundant

As I listened to beautiful classical music on community FM radio, I took the scenic route home from work this evening. I passed several landmarks of my youth, and I felt sadness. But today I know that feeling of sadness comes from a place of a skewed perception signalling to me that I both lost what I had, and didn't get enough of what I wanted during that time which those landmarks represented, as well.

That sorrow is not only being felt in vain, it is false.

It is false because I know that my God has not only not forsaken me, but that I am today in a place of abundance. This means two things: 1) I was never meant to have more of what I had in those places in space and time, and 2) Whatever I believe was taken from me was either not there to be taken in the first place, and that more is to be revealed IN GOD'S TIME.

Today I live in God's world, I don't just visit it time-to-time when I am feeling as Oswald Chambers put it "on the mountaintop". In God's world there are no accidents, and no one is left behind. In my grief during the early phases of my recovery I would ask God why He took things from me. He replied, "I have far greater things planned for you." I share this because while it was a personal comfort sent to me in a moment of distress, I believe that this message is universal.

As Joyce Meyer says, we are not victims - we are children of God. Every time I come from a place of lack, scarcity, trauma, or fear, I am setting myself up to break down any form of success that I am building up in my new life. The prayer of St. Francis of Assisi reads, "It is better to understand than to be understood, to love than to be loved." These words have spiritually saved my life, and it is the people like the preachers and the saints, the authors and the recovered dreamers who are demonstrating that this world is abundant and now I know, so am I.

So when those attacking thoughts come, and they come without warning, I have the tools provided by those who came before me, and I pick them up and I use them. There is always a road map, and when it's from God, there are no hidden roads, there is only peace and the satisfaction of knowing that not only am I enough, I am of pure magic, and therein lies abundance.

March Madness to April Gladness

I have gone through major changes this new year, and it set me off course for a bit. April is now here and I am magically transformed. I am learning practicality and balancing that with my creativity. I am back to a place of centeredness, which for me means being true to my values and joys while remaining a responsible member of society (employed, honest, law-abiding). But for a short while I was very anxious and saddened, because I was not defending my values and joys. I was not feeling confident in my place in this world, and I was beginning to think I was too far gone after decades of poor decision-making to have a life that I really would want to make a living with. Being a romantic, a rebel, an artist, and a spiritualist, what was a life without love for what I did in ALL parts of my life? Indeed, March was a month of tears.

But I am an Aries and now in my season of fiery passion. In making a decision to find balance between the material and the spiritual, ease and comfort has returned back into my life. Today I have a much more healthy view of life and what is realistic and what is nonsense, and the latter does not disturb me as it once did. I have also make a decision to believe that hard work does pay off, no matter how invisible, disadvantaged, or unassuming one is.

April is a month of healing for many of us. For me it is a time to form new habits to become my best version, which ultimately means having time for all areas that are important for a life well-lived, while having the discipline to resist the easier softer way of delusion, short cuts, exasperation, and regret.