The last shall be first

I am preparing for my September blog, so until then here is a passage from a beautiful parable. This is an important one for me, because there is a blind man who I do not favour but with whom I must remember to be compassionate. I think that I am such a great Christian, because I look after the widows and visit the prisoners, but if there is one thing that I do not do that Christ requests of me, then all that I do do, is nulled.

I almost didn't read today's Sunday Mass readings, because I didn't go to Church. I thought that I didn't deserve to read the Word, or that I would be a hypocrite, but the thing is, while I absolutely should have gone to Mass, not only is the idea that I need to stay away from scripture of the devil, I am a hypocrite nevertheless, for if I had my way, I would forsake who I'm supposed to invite in. 

“When you hold a lunch or a dinner, do not invite your friends or your brothers or your relatives or your wealthy neighbors, in case they may invite you back and you have repayment. Rather, when you hold a banquet, invite the poor, the crippled, the lame, the blind; blessed indeed will you be because of their inability to repay you. For you will be repaid at the resurrection of the righteous.”

Luke 14.12-4

A Christian pick me up

This is a really beautiful sermon given by one of my favourite theologians, C.H. Spurgeon. On a quick search, I can't tell if he was part of any movement such as the Great Awakening, but he was so solid to the extent that people of various denominations use him as a teacher.

This is an except from Biblegateway. Anyone who is struggling with their faith, or who simply could use some inspiration, can easily call on this oratiation:

"He shall stand and feed in the strength of the Lord."

Micah 5:4

Christ's reign in his Church is that of a shepherd-king. He has supremacy, but it is the superiority of a wise and tender shepherd over his needy and loving flock; he commands and receives obedience, but it is the willing obedience of the well-cared-for sheep, rendered joyfully to their beloved Shepherd, whose voice they know so well. He rules by the force of love and the energy of goodness.

His reign is practical in its character. It is said, "He shall stand and feed." The great Head of the Church is actively engaged in providing for his people. He does not sit down upon the throne in empty state, or hold a sceptre without wielding it in government. No, he stands and feeds. The expression "feed," in the original, is like an analogous one in the Greek, which means to shepherdize, to do everything expected of a shepherd: to guide, to watch, to preserve, to restore, to tend, as well as to feed.

His reign is continual in its duration. It is said, "He shall stand and feed;" not "He shall feed now and then, and leave his position;" not, "He shall one day grant a revival, and then next day leave his Church to barrenness." His eyes never slumber, and his hands never rest; his heart never ceases to beat with love, and his shoulders are never weary of carrying his people's burdens.

A real psychic change

In really listening in today's meeting, since I forgot my book and there were no extras, and because I am trying to practice humility and think of others before myself, I really absorbed the shares, and I actually learned something. The common denominator in all of the experiences about the psychic change, was a moment of darkness, and then an intuitive thought. 

And I realized that what I thought for the past nearly two and a half years to be my spiritual experience wasn't in fact that, but rather it was the shift into real sobriety where I became willing to have a psychic change. I understood what was needed of me, for the first time, after great enthusiasm and then two relapses, and so there was a special "ah-ha!" moment, but no, my psychic change was in actuality six months into recovery. 

Another way that I know, is that the next morning, the program itself became my higher power, which I interpret today to be the "God-consciousness" as so called in the Spiritual Experience endnotes.  Though I was praying to God when I had my intuitive thought, and so it's not as though I didn't have God, I put all of my faith into the program actually saving my life, and soon after I did a real fourth and fifth, thereby solidifying my relationship with my sponsor, which truly became the backbone of my recovery; my refuge every time I wanted to give up, until I could stand on my own.

To have taken that leap of faith into the program was terrifying, but that next morning after my experience, I knew that I was a goner, and I knew that A.A. was the only path to true freedom from the bondage of self, of which I would soon learn to be the root of every defect and every hurt, and every disappointment that has ever happened. This is why I say that the program was my higher power, because of that blind faith that it was going to work, and so I was going all in. After testing the waters, for nearly two full years, it wasn't too hard to take the plunge, because I knew it worked, I saw it all around me at meetings. 

Today I am so grateful to have a fellowship to have grown up amongst. Everything in my life I have earned through works that would not have been possible without having been given very specific tools in the program, with very basic instructions. My spiritual experience is more concrete now. We all have the same solution, therefore our psychic changes will most likely be of the same nature, as well. Just as Bill W. went from desperation to alleviation in a moment, so too did I, and others. It is great to be able to quantify this experience, so that others might come to believe, and achieve. Amen.

The Shadow of an Agony

"To those who have had no agony Jesus says, 'I have nothing for you; stand on your own feet, square your own shoulders. I have come for the man who knows he has a bigger handful than he can cope with, who knows there are forces he cannot touch; I will do everything for him if he will let Me. Only let a man grant he needs it, and I will do it for him.'"

Taken from Utmost.org