Welcome March!

I'm really looking forward to March. I have a really good feeling about it, and this spring-like weather melting these mounds of snow is definitely contributing to my optimism.

It's been a tough winter, with the lockdown and an extended break between the two semesters in my coaching program, as we now move past midterms, I am feeling a bit more balanced. I am very ready for the upcoming equinox! And after having practiced my first kundalni yoga kriya in over 10 years, almost randomly this morning (though I don't believe anything is ever truly random), I feel so beautifully connected to myself and nature. 

There were some major events that happened to me (for me) since the fall. One was pretty intense, and shook me to my core, causing a pause on all spirituality other than Christianity. The second was one was during January's full moon when I, again by happenstance, saw something on social media about my zodiac sign that spoke directly to a communication mishap I was experiencing, and it miraculously comforted me immediately. So this past month, I've had some reunions. 

This time is different, because I am different. I don't have the fear I used to have. I've been working diligently, tweaking my protective field as I go along. And while Life will probably always throw me a curveball to test me, I don't have to play the victim anymore. 

I wanted to share some messages that I received in my very amateur card reading that I did for March. These are some themes that I have been cultivating or working toward, and that I think can be used by anyone to help build happy moments. 

The overall theme is about relationships. Either sustaining and/or building and/or amending these contacts. Focusing on healthy communication, and the joy of connection from these exchanges. The topics that came up are:

1) Rising above challenges, discover ways to build resiliency. Being mindful to keep it simple, basic, and honest. 

2) Being fearless, trusting that God, however we understand this Source as, will always come to our aid, should we just make the effort to connect. I am also feeling very connected to cycles/phases right now and finding comfort in the coming and going of lessons and opportunities for growth.

3) Reading, meditation, and contemplation. I have been in a period of deep introspection this past month. The last card I pulled reinstated that this quiet time will continue to be a theme for March. This is a divinely guided invitation to grow in a deeper understanding of life and confidence in purpose. Being my own master. For years I was told to "Do the work", or "Go within", when all I wanted was a teacher or guide to impart knowledge and wisdom and comfort to me. This past month, or full moon cycle more specifically, I have been almost unable to take in information, or be influenced by people. I have gone deep within, not to ascertain special information, but just to feel grounded. It's been monumental and feels incredible. At this point I am just enjoying it and seeing how long it will last, or if this is actually my new reality. 

Since I've been living quite privately, both emotionally and physically, I am not sure if these messages will resonate with people. But I hope it does, because no matter what cards or what fun I had creating this, I believe these are general tenants to a fulfilling life. I've been pretty off with the turn of events for over a year now. The pandemic defied me at every level, so while I feel really good about March and the equinox, I'm aware of the murmurs of a third wave. My goal as a wellness coach, a spiritualist, and a general person in the world, is to help spread the message of resiliency, because I believe that to be a powerful inoculation. Welcome March, welcome equinox, and may we all find new ways every day to live well. 🙏

Choosing Priorities

As I continue on my healing journey, I can see now how much I people-pleased, because I was so afraid of someone being mad at me, or not liking me at all. I would therefore say yes to tasks or duties that I didn't want to partake in, or I would neglect my own priorities in order to make other people happy.  This was ultimately a lack of boundaries, which at times happened because I would get swept up in the moment, and just so happy to connect with someone. Other people's comfort ended up mattering more to me than my own. And while this can appear nice, it doesn't work when trying to make goals.

I also lacked the boundaries needed to put my own work first, because I was so afraid of someone talking badly about me, or being annoyed with me. One of the greatest things I learned in my recovery is the saying, "What other people think of me is none of my business." Once I learned that even with the best of intentions, the most carefully selected words, the most well thought-out responses, I can still do or say, or not say or not do, something that offends someone, or doesn't meet their need. Letting go of the outcome, and letting go of other people's judgements, has been one way that's helped free me from my people-pleasing tendencies. 

Now as I enter a new phase of my development, and I reemerge from months of lockdown, I strive to maintain my priorities, which can be challenging. To be able to say no, to be able to stand up for myself which in turn might cause offence or displeasure to someone, has been a huge undertaking that is winning me peace. I have had to really affirm that I am taking care of my mental health (which will reflect in my physical health), and this also includes being compassionate with myself. 

Part of saying no, part of establishing and maintaining boundaries, can have pushback, even with myself. I want to go on the attack, and call myself lazy, unmotivated, or impoverished. But I pause and look at the reality of the situation instead, and see that I am none of those things, and that being mean to myself isn't helpful. Rather, I find courage, motivation, and abundance within myself, and bring it out to show up in this world with enthusiasm and resiliency. This is what my work today is all about. 

When I make a plan, and when I accept that my plan might not allow me to realistically put everyone who I want to put first in that place all the time, I can take a moment to reflect on those feelings, and as Marshall Rosenberg wrote in Nonviolent Communication, observe the situation, instead of evaluate it. Placing boundaries doesn't mean that I care about anyone less, it just means that I have a goal, and I want to achieve it. 

Having a vision, having boundaries, and having the self-compassion to see my work through, gives me a blueprint for success that allows me to show up 100% of the time, even when my people-pleasing habits want to diminish my efforts. Slow living and valuing myself have been two skills that I have developed this past year, and it is worth the discomfort of learning to exist in an alternative paradigm that I suspect in time will become more commonplace as we continue to navigate a pandemic-ridden world, and make plans for the other side of it.

Tree of Life by Peggy Davis

Showing up with an Open Heart

I want to live a life where I am constantly connected to my purpose, my "why". While it might not seem realistic to be eternally inspired, I want to at least create a life where there is an open invitation to connect, when disconnected. I believe this is what self-care ultimately is. It's putting up boundaries to the world and saying, "I will take a time-out to reboot my mind". Part of the work is for us to learn what rebooting looks like, what our purpose is. 

I also want to live a life where I am constantly connected to others. That no matter how I feel, I not only show up, but I participate open-heartedly. I even want to take that a step further, and be of service. And while a part of me uses service as a way to make amends for my past transgressions, and where I still have to learn some boundaries, I want to evolve this into giving even more selflessly. 

I have fallen into the trap of the mind that says life should be easy, or that I should have abundance. And while I do believe these principles to be true, what easy and abundant look like today are vastly different from a year ago. For me today, easy looks like keeping a calm and focused mind, and abundance looks like opportunities, not things. 

I am the happiest when I am in my "why". This "why" is sacred now, it is something that I develop an intimate relationship with, by spending time with it each day, cultivating it, mediating on it. The "why" is between us and God. Even in coaching, I'm trained to not ask people "why"; for me, this shows how unique this word is. 

Because I have learned how to connect with my purpose, I can feel satisfied even in the most humble situations. Even in talking with just a couple of friends, speaking from the heart, discussing change and healing, I feel the magic now. I feel a sense of power that makes me believe we can change the world. 

The conversation has shifted. The pandemic has opened a lot of people up to topics that might have once been considered shameful. Strangely enough, it's only in talking about the shame that we release it and get free from it. Little pockets are popping up, all over the world. In a time of lockdown people are unifying and consolidating, revisiting and revising, all in the name of connection, and the recovery of an innocence that we let go of when we started moving too fast.

One of the first things I did when I wanted to reclaim my connection was slow down. I slowed down on the road, which basically means I went the actual speed limit. That was a bit of a scary change, because I annoyed fellow drivers, and I felt the pressure. But I learned how to stick in my lane and hold my own. That simple act of slowing down made me feel like I had some control over my day. It's actually quite meaningful to take extra time to get from one place to the other. 

Then I extended that slowing down. I didn't try to go ahead of pedestrians on the road when they were crossing. I gave them time to cross safely on their own time. Then when I was on foot myself, I let people go ahead of me where there was a near collision in the plazas and stores. This, I think, is a great way to begin to slow down, and connect with our purpose. We are literally training the brain to take it easy, and not only that, we are showing it that we will not be missing out on anything, or more importantly losing anything, when we show little acts of connection by offering some time. 

Taking it to another level, this is how we can truly connect with our "why". When we see that it is safe to slow down, we can then extend that kindness to ourselves. The act of self-love that we demonstrate when we take a moment to reboot in an act of self-care is nourishment for our souls; it's fuel to keep showing up open-heartedly, and in that as a satisfied and abundant person.