Caring for others

I'm doing well. I am receiving the help that I need, and inviting others to join me in my journey toward regeneration, while dismissing those who hinder me.

And hindrance, to me, refers to being quelled, and is not to be confused with people who take cheap shots here and there. One way to identify hindrance is when we feel in our gut, sometimes referred to as the second brain, that we are acting in a way which is inconsistent with how we want to be. Perhaps this inauthenticity is physical, verbal, or even mental, and for me, I was remaining in that cycle because I was people-pleasing out of fear of not being liked, or being talked about. Then with the help of a trusted friend I woke up to the fact that I was debilitating everything I was working towards during my time on this beautiful planet, and what other people think or say about me is none of my business.

Conversely, when someone is throwing darts, it's important to look with kindness at WHY that is happening, because more often than not, they are being cast by those who are closest to us, and so coming from a place of compassion can save us much heartache. Chances are these people are simply hurt themselves and are not intentionally trying to harm us.

This is why we put on the armour of God - righteousness, truth, kindness, willingness, and faith, because when we prepare ourselves in such as way, we can respond from a place of love. And that starts with self-love. When coming from a place of acceptance, we do not crack, for we are not punctured by those darts. We might be bruised - the traction might have been powerful, but there will not be enough damage for it to be long-term. In other words, the intrusion will not be internalized.

I have also been eating healthy and getting enough sleep, and this gives me the fuel and rehabilitation that I need to be in this world. I have the energy to physically do what I need to do, and also to maintain the concentration needed for my studies. Consistency is a key to contentment, because it offers us diligence, and in that, a sense of well-being and accomplishment. Whatever our commitments are, maintaining that discipline, preferably within a schedule (the jury is out on how beneficial routine is, but for me, it is a life-saver), offers the stability which we all need, whatever our lifestyles look like.

I'm feeling very focussed. Yes I have moments where I am thrown off balance, but that is normal as I am not a machine (and even machines have their limits). The point is to have the humility to be honest when a mistake is made, or a trouble is brewing, because then it can be corrected, and there is no shame in asking for help and working to be a better person. In fact, it is noble. (side note - humility and nobility are by no means opposing forces).

When we are happy, we help others to be happy, and then our joy grows even more. "Happiness multiplies when it is divided with others." Be the light that guides people and animals and the environment to health and dignity. It's worth the extra two minutes per day to care for someone or something else. But as always, it starts with us. So prepare, and take care.

Until next time.

Treasure hunt

I have been feeling a resistance to the spiritual the past few days. I know that I need to be spiritual as I am maladjusted to the physical, and the spirit world gives me freedom from the bondage of self, from my skewed perception of my role on the planet, but I have begun to question what might I be cutting out short through the almost refusal to play?

I have considered that being spiritual can still be an expression of self-will, of not really have a solution to the challenges that I face daily, and I have been feeling the restrictions of my current practice. In fact I have been feeling so confounded that I have begun to turn to mathematics to be relieved of the nagging feeling that I am missing something.

The limitations of words and books have, seemingly out of nowhere (though it's never really on a whim) become so apparent to me, and the fear that has been instilled in me to not go outside the confinements of human reason so distasteful, I have lost all concern of being "right".

The confidence required to move forward so that I don't default back to a place of contempation is strong right now (Star Wars much?), while the self-love required to practice acceptance of things I perhaps would like to change while still aspiring to transform them into something of an asset is firm. When people don't hold power over me, I behave a lot less defective and more in tune with the natural rhythm of my surroundings, even when it seems to be off-beat.

Possibilities present themselves when I am willing to disregard the opinions of others, and even of self. Being judgemental is a soul sickness where spirituality is in fact needed, in order to release from expectations that "should be" manifested in the material. But sometimes just being planted on the ground, steady with one foot in front of the other, is all it takes to have a good day, which can lead into a good week. And for me, a good week is crucial, because it is after that week where I literally clean house and spend time with family, and I want to reflect in a week well lived, and prepare for what I would like to do differently in the week coming up.

Progress doesn't have to mean abandonment of faith or reason, but simply the resolve to add to the formula, never being afraid of peer review, or adjustment. I am not sure how this radical shift has transpired, what inspired it, but it's pretty darn fun right now.

Call to cleanse

I just had a far out meditation.

I was being guided to cleanse, that it was time for me to put on my spiritual armour, and that I needed to wash first.

I went into the conference room where there are no computers, which I am feeling are very draining right now. Facebook is more of a nuisance to me today than a toy or a medium: I needed to recharge. (And which is why I am writing, I believe it's a non-harmful way to use my computer right now), I also wanted to work with (maybe more honestly put, use) the natural power of the office finches to assist me in my meditation.

I have laid in savasana before, on the floor behind the table where I can be unnoticed, but I have never tried to work with the birds in my rejuvenation. Animals are moving through their own soul journey, and are susceptible to human neglect, discord, and misguided energy, so I knew I needed to be careful not to manipulate their life force.

So I began my meditation with the intention of working as non-violently as possible, without taking too much of their strength, or without forcing onto them too much of my used up (toxic) energy that I needed to release. I visualized a symbiotic, perfect universe, designed to without flaw move us through the natural cycles of a day.

I believe that I became at complete peace with myself and my surroundings, and was able to start a pranayama exercise of square breathing where I could truly detach without needing concern for anything around me.

One of the birds I call my feather-ball was really starting his song, so I rose and gave thanks to him. I am still really struggling right now with my energy, it is aggressive and I am going to journal now about the events that have precipitated this imbalance.

One thing is for certain, every paragraph has started with "I". This is not necessarily a bad thing, as Patanjali said, we make sense of the world around us through the self. However I know that my problems stem from thinking too much of self, without thinking enough about others. To be of service is to be of peace. Perhaps that is why I was called to cleanse and put on the armour of God.

Until next time!

Rest from Strife

I have concluded a three decade-long journey of war and disunity. This is not to say that battle won't be faced again, nor does it suggest I won, but there is now the possibility that fighting will no longer be necessary. And this completion by no means suggests that it is time for rest - quite the opposite. It is time to build.

And should I build with strong foundation and with the consistency needed so weather cannot degrade progress, I might create something that can literally change the world. Is this delusion of grandeur? Have I been watching too much Sherlock? Too influenced by Dr. Dispenza? Perhaps. Nevertheless, it's worth a shot, as my one-line in my grade-five class play read.

There was an adrenaline rush in engagement, and for the past nearly five years I have known I had been substituting God with anger: I had spent a good twenty years fighting an invisible enemy, and a another fifteen prior to that running from one. It wasn't my intention to be pacified, almost docile, that was merely a byproduct of making new friends.

But strangely enough, they weren't the entourage I used to have. I was not leading, I was being led, and it didn't feel too good. But I needed to be shown that the battle had been within, and it was deadly. I needed to learn my independence and rebellion was really a desperate loneliness that manifested in co-dependency and restlessness.

But that wasn't the worst part.

Undoing, continuing to undo, the false-self, releasing the shadow-self, admitting spiritual and at times even material poverty - that was the worst part. But I would do it again.

This is because the recognition of the stronghold that darkness has on light is so empowering to the point that no person, and no institution, and no organization is any longer frightening. The threat becomes only in the mind. Once the light reaches the horizon of the material, we see there is nothing more glorious than being freed from the lie which says healing is not possible - the worst deceit this world has ever been subjected to - a play so brilliant, so insidious, that even the light which is infinite, became dense.

The mind, I now know, is not only pliable, is designed to be cohesive. It wants to return to its natural default, no matter how much it had been stretched, no matter how far the lines of communication have strayed - it is for everyone to return to transcendence - to perfection.

I used to believe in curses, in damnation, that some people, sometimes even myself, were simply doomed. But now I know the only time we look down on someone is when we are lifting them up, and that goes for ourselves as well. That is the endeavour - the building, perhaps more accurately put, the rebuilding.

There is much work ahead, but it is good work; it is exciting and hopeful and clear. It is no longer a grace that was bestowed upon me, it was a calling that made me no different or no better - it was simply a particular talent that I discovered out of my own stubbornness. And since foolish pride can make or break a person, I rely on remembering that I will never know to where the wind will blow.

I don't need to be hidden, either in false modesty or in self-preservation, but I also don't need to win or be rewarded anymore, either. That's where the peace comes, that's my truce.

Daisies in the Ditch

Life and me
just didn't agree
and it didn't matter
all the daisies
and it didn't matter
a life built for me
because all I could see
was my own vain beauty.

But still it did matter
what everyone thought
and not once did I question
if it was for naught
and not once did I think
it was not about me
so I went on my way
in a strange revelry.

There was nothing to do -
just become rich
I knew favour would find me
despite all those blips.
I knew love was waiting
in a divine sequence
and soon enough I would turn,
and see daisies,
in a ditch.