I have concluded a three decade-long journey of war and disunity. This is not to say that battle won't be faced again, nor does it suggest I won, but there is now the possibility that fighting will no longer be necessary. And this completion by no means suggests that it is time for rest - quite the opposite. It is time to build.
And should I build with strong foundation and with the consistency needed so weather cannot degrade progress, I might create something that can literally change the world. Is this delusion of grandeur? Have I been watching too much Sherlock? Too influenced by Dr. Dispenza? Perhaps. Nevertheless, it's worth a shot, as my one-line in my grade-five class play read.
There was an adrenaline rush in engagement, and for the past nearly five years I have known I had been substituting God with anger: I had spent a good twenty years fighting an invisible enemy, and a another fifteen prior to that running from one. It wasn't my intention to be pacified, almost docile, that was merely a byproduct of making new friends.
But strangely enough, they weren't the entourage I used to have. I was not leading, I was being led, and it didn't feel too good. But I needed to be shown that the battle had been within, and it was deadly. I needed to learn my independence and rebellion was really a desperate loneliness that manifested in co-dependency and restlessness.
But that wasn't the worst part.
Undoing, continuing to undo, the false-self, releasing the shadow-self, admitting spiritual and at times even material poverty - that was the worst part. But I would do it again.
This is because the recognition of the stronghold that darkness has on light is so empowering to the point that no person, and no institution, and no organization is any longer frightening. The threat becomes only in the mind. Once the light reaches the horizon of the material, we see there is nothing more glorious than being freed from the lie which says healing is not possible - the worst deceit this world has ever been subjected to - a play so brilliant, so insidious, that even the light which is infinite, became dense.
The mind, I now know, is not only pliable, is designed to be cohesive. It wants to return to its natural default, no matter how much it had been stretched, no matter how far the lines of communication have strayed - it is for everyone to return to transcendence - to perfection.
I used to believe in curses, in damnation, that some people, sometimes even myself, were simply doomed. But now I know the only time we look down on someone is when we are lifting them up, and that goes for ourselves as well. That is the endeavour - the building, perhaps more accurately put, the rebuilding.
There is much work ahead, but it is good work; it is exciting and hopeful and clear. It is no longer a grace that was bestowed upon me, it was a calling that made me no different or no better - it was simply a particular talent that I discovered out of my own stubbornness. And since foolish pride can make or break a person, I rely on remembering that I will never know to where the wind will blow.
I don't need to be hidden, either in false modesty or in self-preservation, but I also don't need to win or be rewarded anymore, either. That's where the peace comes, that's my truce.
And should I build with strong foundation and with the consistency needed so weather cannot degrade progress, I might create something that can literally change the world. Is this delusion of grandeur? Have I been watching too much Sherlock? Too influenced by Dr. Dispenza? Perhaps. Nevertheless, it's worth a shot, as my one-line in my grade-five class play read.
There was an adrenaline rush in engagement, and for the past nearly five years I have known I had been substituting God with anger: I had spent a good twenty years fighting an invisible enemy, and a another fifteen prior to that running from one. It wasn't my intention to be pacified, almost docile, that was merely a byproduct of making new friends.
But strangely enough, they weren't the entourage I used to have. I was not leading, I was being led, and it didn't feel too good. But I needed to be shown that the battle had been within, and it was deadly. I needed to learn my independence and rebellion was really a desperate loneliness that manifested in co-dependency and restlessness.
But that wasn't the worst part.
Undoing, continuing to undo, the false-self, releasing the shadow-self, admitting spiritual and at times even material poverty - that was the worst part. But I would do it again.
This is because the recognition of the stronghold that darkness has on light is so empowering to the point that no person, and no institution, and no organization is any longer frightening. The threat becomes only in the mind. Once the light reaches the horizon of the material, we see there is nothing more glorious than being freed from the lie which says healing is not possible - the worst deceit this world has ever been subjected to - a play so brilliant, so insidious, that even the light which is infinite, became dense.
The mind, I now know, is not only pliable, is designed to be cohesive. It wants to return to its natural default, no matter how much it had been stretched, no matter how far the lines of communication have strayed - it is for everyone to return to transcendence - to perfection.
I used to believe in curses, in damnation, that some people, sometimes even myself, were simply doomed. But now I know the only time we look down on someone is when we are lifting them up, and that goes for ourselves as well. That is the endeavour - the building, perhaps more accurately put, the rebuilding.
There is much work ahead, but it is good work; it is exciting and hopeful and clear. It is no longer a grace that was bestowed upon me, it was a calling that made me no different or no better - it was simply a particular talent that I discovered out of my own stubbornness. And since foolish pride can make or break a person, I rely on remembering that I will never know to where the wind will blow.
I don't need to be hidden, either in false modesty or in self-preservation, but I also don't need to win or be rewarded anymore, either. That's where the peace comes, that's my truce.
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