Choose Hope

In any given circumstance, we can either take in what can contribute to our advancement, or what can lead to our dejection. I have found that I can have agency in whether I succumb to fear or love, and that true devotion to the divine does not mean isolation and extremism.

But it was a hard-fought victory  to choose what builds me up, rather than what restricts me and threatens repercussions. I needed angelic intervention to convince me that anything I do in love will be blessed by God.

Now I look around and see the ultimatums that the world demands, and I can take a step back and rest in the quiet knowing that I am a child of God, on a natural and neutral plane of existence, with a lot of resources to live in peace and security.

And while faith without works is dead, I have also found that grace is extended unto all, and finally know what humility is, and what a humble life truly looks like. We are all one, united in the One, and are so loved that we have the autonomy and freedom to go wherever we like, and still be connected.

Today I trust that I am on the right path, and I stay close to my higher power who will always tell me the answers I need and the path that is best suited for me. All I have to do is make the time to seek guidance, and have an open mind.

I don't need to get derailed on my journey anymore. As a human being, I recognize that I am like a river, always changing, but that my core remains continuously in the image of God. This means that I have the power to manage my emotions. I can unfollow or snooze people and pages on Facebook, mute people on Instagram, and turn off recommendations on YouTube, for starters.

Conversely, if I read something that seems strange, or that I don't feel good about, I can shelve it instead of writing it off. I can see the good in even the most mundane or annoying situations, and that even people who disagree can still appreciate each other, when boundaries are respected.

When I choose hope I choose my heart. I choose what I believe God would have me do. I see the harmony of life all around me, and I can without attachment allow antagonizing thoughts and feelings to slip away, while letting encouragement and motivation, rooted in the confidence that I am acting in accordance with God's will, enter and inspire me.

 

Reconciled to the World

Every so often, I can do a 360 and see peace all around me. Generally, I work toward stability, but what I have learnt is that sometimes things out of my control can happen. In mid-July I got what I now suspect was a little 48 hour bug, that I wrote off as allergies. In the time of corona, of course I didn't want to admit I wasn't well, but after finally feeling almost fully healthy after 5 weeks of mild biological discomforts that lingered, I can understand now how even in the best of efforts, stress can infiltrate my life and  knock me off balance.

But even when battling diseases and infections, I have learned how to live a life that doesn't have to involve battling people as well. Ultimately, the answer is simply in doing the next right thing. C.S. Lewis said that integrity is doing the right thing, even when no one is watching. When I live in integrity, I have noticed how it bolsters my self-esteem, and how it brings me peace, and at times even joy. 

I believe that while physical ailments might not be prayed away, attacks of the mind can be: that we can enjoy tranquillity and comfort in all parts of our lives, at all times, and that it starts with doing the next right thing. Where I start to slip up and find peace evading me, is when I don't put my responsibilities first. But when I give myself the space to trust that what I truly want to do will have its time and place to be enjoyed, I can find my days going by very smoothly. 

This also permits the flexibility to imagine where I really want my life to go, because I am not crunched down by worldly obligations in my commitment to them. Even when I wasn't in the best of physical health, I was able to still remain inspired and hopeful of a future where I am able to use my talents and work with my passions.

And this brings me to my next point - physical health. As I shift my focus towards a holistic and slow-living lifestyle, using things such as lifestyle medicine, green consumerism, and the pursuit of interfaith dialogue to development my entire being, I recognize the importance of physical health as a starting point to mental health. 

Several years ago I learned the acronym H.A.L.T., and when my favourite pastor, Dr. Charles Stanley mentioned this in one of his most recent podcasts, I knew it is very important for people new on the path of regeneration to understand.

Hungry, Angry, Lonely, Tired, are states where we are most susceptible to mental and physical disturbances. I believe that even if we can't always do the next right thing, if we can at least ensure that we are not hungry, angry, lonely, or tired, we are on the right track. 

Of course, it does not mean that we are in immediate danger if we are experiencing any of these discomforts, and the spiritually adept person might even welcome them during times of purification, but for those of us who are still learning the path to peace, it is most beneficial to ensure these traits are seen to, and managed.

When I daily take care of my material and social responsibilities, my mind experiences a freedom, even within the restraints of worldly living. I get to enjoy a tranquillity that abides in love and compassion, and that is absent of fear and judgement. I believe that peace is the reward of good works, which is basic and honest living, no matter the circumstances.

Some Simple Steps For Slowing Down

Being of Service

“If we find ourselves with a desire that nothing in this world can satisfy, the most probable explanation is that we were made for another world.” C.S. Lewis, Mere Christianity

Being restless and discontent are feelings I have been trying to evade for most of my life, which I first did through fantasy, and then through drugs and alcohol. I did my best to feel better, until I found myself feeling much worse. Intuitively knowing it was a soul sickness, I used a militant form of yoga for several years, and then Christianity, to be relieved. Those methods did help a bit, but something still wasn't working. By the grace of God I found a Twelve Step program that directly addressed being "restless, irritable, and discontent", and I finally started to address my immediate malady. 

A few weeks ago I had a very sober thought, "Why do I resist these feelings?" I believed it was wrong to feel discontented, that it meant I was spiritually unfit, or that I was doing something wrong in my phases of development. But a thought came to me, "Why is it wrong to feel a little sad?" Instead of resisting my feelings, I accepted them, which I believe today is a productive method of moving through emotional pain, as taught through Acceptance Commitment Therapy. 

I recognized that my default nature is to be restless, irritable, and discontent. And while I might suffer from a more extreme form of that due to compromised mental health through past chemical dependencies, as C.S. Lewis wrote, which epitomizes the Abrahamic religions, we are all this way because we are not really placed where we were designed to be. 

I have been greatly influenced by the discussion around Glennon Doyle's bestseller book, Untamed. It has both inspired and saddened me, as it discusses female empowerment and breaking free from our socially constructed cages. (An indirect response to this narrative can be found in my previous entry here).

In the Abrahamic religions (Judaism, Christianity, and Islam), we believe that we are living in exile, and this is what C.S. Lewis meant when he wrote that we are made for another world. If I am not living up to my potential, if I am in an episode of feeling tamed, or discontented, it's probably because I am a citizen of heaven, not of this world of death and corruption. 

The Christian works to love during this life. A sacrificial love that puts others before ourselves. It can look as simple as not using a plastic straw to help save the environment and marine life, or as grand as taking a vow of poverty. The purpose of this sacrificial love is to find the beauty on this planet as best we can, so that we might continue to be inspired by God's creation, no matter how fallen it is. At its core, this world is still beautiful and magnificent. 

Today I work to put my feelings of discontent into perspective, while still actively arresting those uncomfortable feelings by being of service in my community, including at my work. I still aspire to be as great as I can be, given the tools that I currently have: living in sacrificial love doesn't mean that I don't continue to acquire my heart's desires, it just means that I do it responsibly. 

I have found that the solution to my disagreeable feelings is in helping others, and that is a way of life that was a feat to learn, but well worth the pursuit. I have also learnt that uncomfortable feelings don't need to be acted upon, or even blotted out, they just need to be put into perspective. Learning how to live in accordance with God's will for me, and to remember that I am just a passerby in this world, can help me stay on the narrow path when my feelings want to hijack my progress. I am very grateful to learn how to get out of myself to be of service in this world, which is not mine but which I can still learn to love.

Review of Conscience

Meditation takes a lot of discipline. I used to want to simply get through my day, and be done with it. I didn't want to give any time in the morning to consider my day. I slept in until the last possible second, and when I retired at night, I felt like I had fought a battle, and would be on the brink of sleep by the time I realized I was tired. I didn't want to recall my day, let alone consider what I could have done better.

But when in quarantine, being faced with shadow work and lots of free time, I began to follow instruction from spiritual leaders who I looked up to. I began morning and evening meditation practices, and I saw my life transform, materially and spiritually.

Something that I realize now about my defiance to practice certain parts of daily meditation, mostly the evening review of my thoughts and actions, is that I didn't have the self-compassion that I needed in order to lovingly look at my day and see where I did well, and where I could improve. Now I can see that giving myself the time to review my day, before hitting my limit with fatigue, is an act of self-love, because it connects me to myself, and to a benevolent higher power.

The apostle Paul taught that true love of God is a daily renewal of the mind, and today I understand meditation as an investment for a better tomorrow. When I meditate, I am able to subdue the ego, which gives me the strength to get out of self and to be of service to God, through serving others. Then I am in a flow of love and acceptance, and have generally good days of appreciation.

Living Humbly

I have jumped on the bandwagon of reading Untamed, after a reconstruction Christian ministry I support, as well as people who I admire, have been, for better or for worse, addressing the book. So far, the author is brilliant. I am only twenty pages in, and it is a terrific read so far. But something that I really want to address, is Doyle's recollection of her Catholic school teaching on the events that transpired in the garden of Eden (and which she uses as a starting point in her assertion of restrained female power).

One of the greatest features of the Catholic Church, and why I ultimately accepted the invitation to be initiated into it in 2010, is because it is steady teaching across the board. All teachings come directly from two main texts, and never deviate. And while there are esoteric realms for the mystics within the Church, the teachings are for the most part comprehensive and black and white.

And so I question the accuracy of Doyle's recollection. While it's possible a parish could trust an unqualified teacher, they are nevertheless required go through an instruction course before becoming teachers of the faith. The entire story of Adam and Eve as relayed by Doyle is false teaching, and I don't know any Catholic or Protestant that would 1) Say that Eve ate from the Tree of Knowledge of Good and Evil because she was "hungry", 2) Leave out the entire part about the knowledge pertaining to good and evil, and 3) Not teach about the star of that scene, Satan.

While Doyle's incredible sensitivity, intellect, and bravery are demonstrated in her response to the story when she asked her teacher to clarify, her recollection of the actual story is either incomplete, or in the postulating of her question, missed a big part of the story, where in fact the entire moral of it is.

Something that I am very passionate about, because I have fallen prey to it time and time again, and learned how to come out the other side and identify it, so that I can continue daily to resist the temptation, is that I am a person, intended to be humble, on the same level as all others. In other words, I am not God. In our new age, we are all little gods it seems, and we are taught and encouraged to reach for our desires, instead of conforming to God's will. But we are all here on Earth for a fleeting moment in time, and we are up against major obstacles daily.

The Tree of Knowledge of Good and Evil had to be placed in the Garden of Eden, because we are made in the image of God, but are not in this world immortal like God. The knowledge is that we will die, and we were protected from that knowledge, until we were made aware of it.

Eve did not eat the fruit because she was hungry, she ate because she was deceived. Satan attacked by making a move on the one thing that she did not have: permission to eat from the tree. When Satan exploited what he perceived to be a weakness in Eve, a lack, he tempted her by making her doubt what God had said. "Are you sure God said that?..."

The Tree of the Knowledge of Good and Evil was a mercy. Today, we know death and decay, because we wanted to be like God. We forfeited our role in an act of pride, but we have been offered it back, when taking the right instruction.

Today I know two things: 1) I am not God, and 2) Because I am not God, I am subject to death. Life to me isn't about taking what I think is worthy of being mine, or what I think I deserve, or even about having fun or rest all the time. It's about being continuously aware that I am vulnerable. The Earth and her people need constant support, because we are all subject to natural and social laws that can make life difficult. When I know that I am not God, I am on the same level ground as all other people, and even all life on Earth. Being no better than and no less than, and this is the true definition of humility.

This is a testing age, an age that says we can conquer the world, but at what cost? Character building is rejected in order to take what we can get. But there is one other part of the story of Eden that is often overlooked: Adam was this planet's caretaker. I inherited the role of servant, I am not God. I misjudged my part and I owe this world an amends for misreading my lines and saying, "Give me!", instead of "How can I help?" This is what those who want to serve need to be aware of, and find and learn how to use the tools that will enable humble living.