Dance on

I wanted to write a blog today about my usual passage through life toward regeneration, however I'm a little unstable in the spirit today (I shall blame the end of daylight savings which I can't figure out if I lost or gained an hour). However a year ago my ballet mentor suggested I write about my ballet studies. I was going through a now-or-never episode, really struggling with a solo I was choreographing for a December performance, for reasons both within and outside of my control. At the time though I was feeling so sorry for myself in what I perceived to be more setbacks than I could face, let alone share with the Internet. But I pushed forward. I studied videos of principle dancers in famous ballets and classical art paintings of ballerinas in traditional ballet postures. I also had huge help from my teacher who filled in some time-gaps, and so, in an unprepared performance and ill-fitting tutu, I executed with relative success my dance.

Fast forward a year, I am much more confident in myself and in my art, and feel privileged to write this piece on this rain-soaked dreary, but with the comfort of autumn, Monday afternoon. Today my article is inspired by a book that I bought by chance when shopping for a friend's birthday present last month. I am at the office with lots of downtime, and am finally reading it. It's called The Artist's Way: A Spiritual Path to Higher Creativity, and so far says exactly what my teacher has been passing on about art the past couple of years as I develop in my craft.

What struck me today in what Julia Cameron wrote, and what I have known for over a year now because I have witnessed it in my teacher's success as a choreographer and an award-winning recording artist, is that it is safe to express our creative talents. Cameron asserts that the disapproval of our creative endeavours that we might have received from our parents causes us to make a connection that our creativity is bad and therefore ungodly. While this might be the case for some, for me I know today that it is really a duty for me to express my talents, and Cameron says this is giving back to God what pleases Him, for it is what He gave to us to use.

Before people's backs go up about the God word, let me say that while there are spiritual principles in this book, it falls more into the New Age Self-Help category (in fact I passed over some paragraphs that were a little too spacey for me) which even an atheist I'm sure can appreciate. In fact the entire "self-help" category made me a little hesitant to credit this book, but I know for me to live is to let others live as they see fit. There are no more prophets of God.

That little disclaimer aside, I would like to conclude with the what I began with. I was not ready to write about my journey through dance. I have always felt a sense of inferiority in dance, since I have such few performance opportunities and I am studying a classical performance art. The nagging feeling of being unauthentic and incorporating sporadic personal dance adventures into my online life felt unsatisfying.

But something that I have learned is that when we live in our passions, good things come to us. We inspire people and make connections that otherwise wouldn't happen if we didn't put ourselves out there time to time in moments of fearful vulnerability that can lead to hurtful reviews.

To reiterate what Cameron writes, we have associated our creativity with negativity, something wrong, shameful, worthless, and therefore to be avoided. But there is another problem which causes us to snuff out our creative joys, and that is the coercion of being told that living in the creative gifts which make us special instead make us evil, egotistical, and prideful. Those of us who affirm our talents are misconstrued as being arrogant, but rather the opposite is true. Living and honouring the manifestation of our creativity is true humility, because applying what makes us unique is actually giving glory to God. We are using what was divinely given to us, and not cloaking it (see the Parable of the Talents). To be confident in what makes us unique in our creative talents is righteous, and not to be feared, rejected, dismissed, belittled, or insulted. Amen.

A Degas painting. A classical position that I studied for my solo performance in December 2017

Ballet tips

This might seem hard to believe for some readers of my blogs, given my topics of choice, but I am actually a pretty good ballet dancer. I currently teach ballet, and am also discovering I'm a good choreographer.

Just now as I was stretching out my sides, looking down at the floor, I made notice of my turnout. When I'm in first position, I'm impressed with my turnout, but when I go into fifth position, it doesn't look as closed as I think it should; especially given that I have a well over a 90 degree turnout.

It made me think of a routine I recorded the other week. I was on a diagonal, and I wished my fifth position looked more professional. But then I stopped my negative thinking.

1)  Ballet is not about turnout!  

Even professional dancers do not have a "perfect" 180 degree turnout, and anyone who comes close gets their dance career cut short with bad arthritis in the knees.

It is these disgusting "facts" that we create to make others think only the "elite" can dance, and I can assure anyone, this is bullshit!

2)  Another disgrace to ballet is the anorexic thin body-type requested of a dancer. But look at Anna Pavlova. Considered to be one of the greatest dancers of the early twentieth century, she was far from being a hundred and five pounds.

Our dance world is arguably run by the same women-haters that run Hollywood and the fashion industry, and it is a lie.

I have talked with ex-dancers who have been in companies, such as the National, and have learnt that the girls smoke and even do coke - amongst the usual eating disorders, which includes taking laxatives - to obtain a figure that is nearly impossible. Ask yourself, and answer honestly, would you rather be a sick "acceptable" ballerina, who is always obtaining injuries and constantly in and out of physio (which is expensive), or would you rather be healthy and happy, and let that reflect in your dance?

I have struggled with my body, but I am starting to accept that is fluctuates frequently, and I have learnt to work with it. Anyone who judges us, or thinks we aren't real dancers because we're sporting some extra weight in our backsides and chest can seriously keep their bigotry to themselves. I'm also a firm believer that women's bodies should never be up for discussion - especially in the work place, and even if it's a compliment.

3)  Ballet is for anyone who is willing. For me, it is not the ballet itself that is intimidating, but rather the music. Dance does not exist without music, and yet I hear professional singers, and see professional dancers with little musicality. It's quite amazing really, and for me only further demonstrates the corruption and nepotism in the industry.

In order to feel more confident as a dancer, I recommend music lessons, either in ear training or playing an instrument. It makes a world of difference in performance, hones the ability to "feel" where one is physically situated (a must in dance), and best of all, improves self-confidence, which for me, is the key to the door.

As dancers, we must believe in ourselves, because unless we have an exceptional coach, no one else will.