Giving Every Day to God

"Whatever is true, whatever is honorable and worthy of respect, whatever is right and confirmed by God’s word, whatever is pure and wholesome, whatever is lovely and brings peace, whatever is admirable and of good repute; if there is any excellence, if there is anything worthy of praise, think continually on these things." (Philippians 4.8, AMP)

During this pandemic it can be tempting to let our minds stray, given all the spare time many of us now have. It's easy to give into conspiracy theories, resentments, and less than other spiritual things. But this is the time to double up on our mental disciplines, because we do not have the resources to get out of dangerous thinking as much as we might be accustomed to.

Generally speaking, people who are successful, which I will define as being a degree above comfortable, are focussed. They stick to one or two concepts and build on them. They study, perfect, sacrifice, and persevere, and above all, they aren't misdirected by an unruly mind and a lazy body.

This is an interesting time where a lot of us don't have the option of balance, so we have to make our own. Regular sleeping schedules, cues to tell our minds and bodies when the second half of the day comes, and relatively healthy eating habits are important to stay on-track, and help us form some sort of routine, but the mind is a bit more tricky to manage.

It's important to be proactive, so that "off" days or moments are not all-consuming. And one of the best ways to groom the mind is to use this time to cultivate something that will nourish it, not decline it. Art, spirituality, science...anything that challenges the mind in a healthy way are suggestions of discipline that takes a lifetime to hone and master, and are therefore wonderful resources during time in isolation.

As our economies are primed for reopening, the time remaining is being offered to us to learn, grow, heal, and inspire. When the mind is trained in a singleness of purpose, what would be a write-off day becomes nothing more than a mild uncomfortable moment, easily surpassed. When we fill our minds with what is lovely and peaceful, we become that.

It is not necessary to feel sadness when we are not mourning; it is rather God's will for us to rejoice daily, with the morning sun that carries us to the evening, and into sleep where we may prepare to start again, refining what makes us alive.

Cecile Rancourt

God's Sheep

"The Lord is my Shepherd [to feed, to guide and to shield me],
I shall not want.
He lets me lie down in green pastures;
He leads me beside the still and quiet waters." (Psalm 23.1-2, AMP)

As I continue my adventures in quarantine, I noticed a temptation to judge people as a collective whole, where of course I am risen above. The word "sheep" had come to mind on more than one occasion, and I validated those thoughts because I always likened myself as an independent free-thinker. Fortunately those thoughts were fleeting, because this separation and judgement is not truly within me anymore. In recovery I now have a heart of flesh, and not of stone.

Today I can have not only compassion and tolerance when I see something upsetting or offensive to me, but I can also see where I am exactly like anyone else. And in this piercing of the veil of illusion which obstructed my vision and signaled to me I am apart from others, I see that I too am a sheep, and best of all, that is really what I want to be.

When I thought I wasn't a sheep, I was denying a part of my devotion to God, because I wouldn't then be a sheep to Him, either. But as I let go of my need to be right and perfect, as I embrace being just as dense at times as those I would want to rebuke, I am confirmed in the first verse - I am God's, and He guides and directs me.

Having had an opportunity to perform shadow work the past two months. where I can subsequently begin to heal core wounds given the spare time that facilitated the unintended surfacing of deep fears and regrets, and then the space to address them, I got to see how much I have resisted being happy joyous and free. I believed it was audacious to be happy or to have opportunities, and so I stayed quiet in my corner.

The Amplified Bible Version works hard to clarify scripture, and sometimes uses words that seem a little less poetic, but that speaks very clearly. And today I received the message loud and clear: God LETS me rest. He GIVES me reprieve and sustenance. I have the right to be content, and this was actually something that I had to come to terms with in the midst of a crisis.

I think a lot of us in our journey toward regeneration have "survivor guilt", I know I have. But we are God's creation, which means we all, irregardless of circumstance, can seek refuge through Him, even when we feel like we don't deserve good things, even when that good thing is as simple as peace of mind.

"Even though I walk through the [sunless] valley of the shadow of death, I fear no evil, for You are with me;
Your rod [to protect] and Your staff [to guide], they comfort and console me." (verse 4)

Knowing very well now that I am God's sheep, a sheep just like everyone else, with all of my flaws, weaknesses, fears, and impulsivities, I see the social anxiety that kept me apart from others dissipate. Something that has been made known to me through this pandemic is that feelings are unreliable and can sabotage me. My world view, my values, my daily business, needs to fundamentally not rely on my feelings. Feelings are not facts.

The shepherd's sheep don't move based on feeling, or even on impulse, they go where they are guided, and they stick close together for safety. My feelings tell me that I either need to be at the head of the herd, or completely away from it. My feelings tell me to be perfect and if I can't be perfect then to not try at all. My feelings keep me dead in self. (Ephesians 2)

But because I am now secure in being God's sheep, now that I have direct experience being safe and supported by God amidst complete chaos, I can finally sit back and relax. I can do the very few things that are asked of me, to move from Point A to Point B, and to trust that the outcome will be in my best interest. And most importantly, that I can accept God's will for me to rest.

I make life difficult when I think I need to be someone who I'm not, or when I think I am not a sheep and therefore entitled. There are no exceptions, no loopholes - I am simple, vulnerable, and needy of acceptance that I suspect I must give in order to receive. And I am grateful that I took the opportunity this pandemic afforded me to heal deep wounds, and to edify my faith which convinces me that I can live on God's terms, and still be provided for.

I'm Third

Something that I have learned in the pandemic is that I don't need nearly as much as I thought I did. Coming from a place of lack, which I now understand to really just be spiritual bankruptcy for which there is a simple solution, the hardest part of accepting the pandemic was that I would have to either go without, or ration.

As the days went on I became aware that not only would there be essential business as usual, but that the stores were continually working on being restocked. Then as the weeks went on I became ever more comfortable, finding the times where I could get supplies with minimal or no lineups. And today I see that I am perfectly content being at home, and okay to just go out when I need to replenish staples. I not only have to not ration, I can still access everything I enjoy to use.

But what I noticed most of all is that even though I come from a place of "not enough", I don't actually use much at all. Other than ample research, contemplation, and artistic time, discovering that not only do I have enough, but that a supply can actually last quite a while, was the greatest gift I was given this past month.

This pandemic forced me to meet my demons in a way that I'm not sure I would have been able to have done before, because I was never in a position where I couldn't work, and in so where I was free of time commitment on something other than myself. So while I have been able to heal in quarantine because I am a recovery advocate which ties in wonderfully with my artistry, and where I have been given the opportunity to flourish in my craft, I also had some very dark hours where I had to accept that I have a deficit in my life that I could no longer evade. My primal fear of death came not in a novel disease, but in not having the means to survive my own frail humanness.

I had puffed myself up through my God-given nature of pomp and pageantry, but I also defied that I am constantly vulnerable to injury, disease, and deterioration. This disconnect led to very low self-esteem, because I was deluded, which is the antithesis of living in God's will for me to be in Truth. Now through a crisis I could no longer evade, I learn to respect that I am not a law unto myself: I am subject within the law of Nature.

As we come out the other side of this pandemic, my pride and boredom wants me to go back to a sort of "prosperity gospel", where God is impersonal, and where I can will my way to success and adrenaline rushes on my own resources. But more importantly, where I can live apart from a sacrificial God.

During quarantine, it's been very easy to apply my faith, because there were no other options. A life of hardship, fear, and the certainty of death was apparent in everyone's lives. There has been great clarity where the wealthy and the poor have been in solidarity: we are fragile and needy. For the first time in our lives, no matter what generation we are in, socioeconomic advantages can't postpone the fear of death: we have all been leveled.

And yet now that life is starting to feel a bit less chaotic and frightening, I find myself going back to the mind-state of "more", of excess, and this is inconsistent with the God who I made a commitment to follow ten years ago to the day.

As we begin the reemergence of our collective consciousness, I am not so sure we healed the way I was personally hoping for, which I am simply basing off of my own interpretation of the world, so I can only return to my own narrow path, and recommit to the creed which says "I'm third". With three parts of the Trinity, of God, being third doesn't have to be painful; it can be glorious, if I choose for it to be. Sacrificial love doesn't have to be synonymous with hardship and discomfort, it can mean pure and supportive connection to others, which through the pandemic, many of us now know to be the antidote to fear and uncertainty.

Just One Thing

During quarantine in this pandemic, I have had much wonderful time to read, contemplate, and write. What I have read has scaled from New Thought to occult psychology to Protestant discipline to Catholic tradition. I have prayed for my friends, and I have edified my relationship with Jesus by absorbing only what might agree with him. I know that this is not the time to loosen up and enjoy my spare time by throwing any sort of guidance out the window, this is the time of preparation for accommodating what is unnerving and uncomfortable.

In praying for an afflicted friend, I realized something that I have been taught now for years, but which I never fully grasped. It is not up to me to give rigid requests in order to ease an unfortunate or undesirable circumstance. It is not up to me to specifically ask for an outcome, to which I can't possibly know all of the options. 

Jesus said in his most agonizing hour, "Forgive them Father, for they know not what they do", and I understand now that people act out of fear more often than not, and we make decisions where we feel the most supported, even when they hurt ourselves and others. This shows up most clearly in bullying, mob mentality, and hoarding. What I once thought was an example of human selfishness and stupidity I now understand to be an underlying sorrow that looks for relief through connection with others, no matter how destructive.

In learning the model of forgiveness, I realized that to pray for someone in a Christian way, and to practice visualization for manifestation in a New Thought way, are in a way, the same thing.  And where we go wrong is the unilateral decision that the outcome looks a certain way. But in fact, the only thing we are to request or to conjure up, is to have a circumstance healed.

Heal what is hurting my friend, heal my bodily infirmities, heal my irresponsible spending habits, heal my mental disintegration. When I ask for specific details, I am at risk of missing the entire point. Effective petitioning has nothing to do with a detailed blueprint, it has to do with an openness to accept whatever outcome might be produced through the request of reparation. 

Biblically speaking, to forgive a sin is to heal it. What I have come to miraculously understand is that to forgive a person is to forget what is in them which causes them to hurt others, and that instead of seeking punishment on a person, to ask God to cleanse their festering wounds. In other words, to forgive a person is to let them be freed of the shackles that they have bound themselves in. When the offender can be healed, the entire environment can be healed, and this is why we ask God to restore a person's soul, instead of asking Him to destroy their body. 

Whether healing our minds, collecting our worldly treasures, building our influence, or being released from toxic relationships, it all comes down to one thing: asking for our trauma to be released. Only God is All-knowing, and only God knows the proper solution to our problems. When we ask the right questions, we are led to the solution that is best for the dilemma at hand, and there are no loose ends when the request is simply to heal us and others.

Magical Doorway by Estalaveda

The Dark Night

"Wherefore, to the end that we may the better understand and explain what night is this through which the soul passes, and for what cause God sets it therein, it will be well here to touch first of all upon certain characteristics of beginners, in order that, realizing the weakness of the state wherein they are, they may take courage, and may desire that God will bring them into this night, wherein the soul is strengthened and confirmed in the virtues, and made ready for the inestimable delights of the love of God." - St. John of the Cross, Dark Night of the Soul

Up until this pandemic, I thought if I worked hard enough and loved God well enough, I would be rewarded. It was a sort of draconian reward and punishment system that looking back now, I understand to have been a broken mind's interpretation of God's majesty. I questioned why my methods weren't working, why my discipline and passion weren't paying dividends.

Life herself has taught me a very valuable lesson: we journey through a dark night in order to stand tall in times of adversity. It's not about being rewarded with any sort of pleasure, and it's not even about having power in being a leader to others. It's about acquiring the mental capacity to withstand the taunting of the Enemy when we are vulnerable.

I had abandoned the idea of spiritual warfare, of a fallen world, and of bringing the body into submission through denial of the senses. All I wanted was peace, comfort, and belonging, and in pretending there was no such thing as harm or separation, I was able to enjoy some time believing that I would be better off without the resistance of self. But I can see now that militant archetypes served such an immense purpose for me, that I now find myself at times having to remind myself that we are in a global crisis. And this is because the psalm is true, "Delight yourself in the Lord, and He will give you your hearts desires." I desire to be delivered from this pandemic with as little injury as possible.

The ancient indigenous proverb that says, "When man had destroyed nature, then he will see that he cannot eat money", has echoed through my mind the past couple of weeks. I am convinced now that everything I thought would make me happy has been rendered entirely and unequivocally useless, and instead all of my journeys into the dark night have blessed me beyond measure. I sought God and I found relief when it mattered the most, and that made it worth it. I am vindicated in the knowledge that when my passions do not serve me in wartime, they are truly meaningless in peacetime.

We come to a close of our Lenten season this Holy Week, as we, in isolation, mark the journey, trial, punishment, execution, and finally, resurrection, of our Lord Jesus Christ. We will break fast, and we will acknowledge our shortcomings. This pandemic will end. Will we emerge renewed and resurrected?

Let this time of sacrifice and grieving be the purification of the dark night that we must enter before coming out victorious, wearing new robes, wrapped in the love of God which will give us the strength to never be subjected to the chaos in this eon again.