I have been contemplating what a perfect Christian looks like. Daily prayer and meditation, daily Bible study, bold proclamation of the gospel, daily denial of the self, denunciation of all idolatry and any sort of non-Christian spirituality...but then I read something that dawned a light on my faulty reasoning.
One of Jesus' first teachings was on heavenly perfection, and I got to see it in a new light:
“You have heard that it was said, ‘You shall love your neighbor and hate your enemy.’ But I say to you, love your enemies, bless those who curse you, do good to those who hate you, and pray for those who spitefully use you and persecute you, that you may be sons of your Father in heaven; for He makes His sun rise on the evil and on the good, and sends rain on the just and on the unjust. For if you love those who love you, what reward have you? Do not even the tax collectors do the same? And if you greet your brethren only, what do you do more than others? Do not even the tax collectors do so? Therefore you shall be perfect, just as your Father in heaven is perfect." (Matthew 5. 43-8).Something that I truly have learnt in 2020 after being placed in multiple lockdowns and then taking my world almost entirely to the internet where I got to experience a new reality, and after a huge and horrible scandal in the yoga community that I was connected to in the past, is that I gave people more credit and blind trust than was healthy.
And after a significant release of items that no longer (if they ever truly did) serve me right before the winter, coupled with the incredible growth and determination upon returning to school online to facilitate a career change, I began to feel empowered to not only make my own choices, but to have the strength to be willing to accept any fallout from potential mistakes.
I have concluded that no one person can offer me the full toolbox to salvation. In the final analysis my redemption and relationship with God is an inside job that I must achieve from within. People who are bestowed with gifts of the Holy Spirit that are used in helping others can help me on my journey, but they can't offer true transformation.
Through my efforts to know God, I realized a teaching that is pivotal in the Christian faith. The crux of our relationship with God is to undergo a transformation of the heart. (Ezekiel 36.26). One way that I put people on pedestals was in assuming that what I saw on the outside was a perfect representation of what was on the inside. I didn't believe that I had the power to question anything that was being taught, and in so, I gave others credit instead of myself. The reasons for, and the results of that, is another post altogether.
Ultimately, I had to refocus, and that took a bit of work. I had to navigate inherent fear in order to walk confidently on my path. Today instead of trying to be perfect externally, I work to maximize moments of inspiration, show quiet respect for moments of lacklustre, and correct moments of error, all the while remembering that Christianity is ultimately a relational spirituality, and that means it requires flexibility and acceptance of the grey areas. In this development, I now have space to find pieces of truth, and to connect to God in a way that helps me move through this world, with a renewed heart.
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