Living in Sensitive Fulfillment

I have been reading nightly as part of my Lenten practice from a Catholic book I was given years ago. Since one of the pillars of this time is prayer, I have been meditating on the teaching of the Trinity, and this particular book is in no way light reading. I am currently reading a section on purification and conversion of the soul, and in it are teachings about death and the shortness of our life here on earth.

A powerful question was posed: how would I live each day, like it's my last? I would tell a whole bunch of people directly that I love them. And I came to an important conclusion: I think a lot, if not all of us, would ensure to connect with at least one loved one or at least one estranged family member. We would forgive at least one enemy and maybe even confess a transgression or two. 

Since I imagine everyone's last day on earth would look just about the same - full of love and honesty and forgiveness - why don't we then just live this way in default? And I realized that this, I believe, is the paradox we face living in the world: we want to live open and free, but we instead live closed and held in. We are spiritual beings having a human experience, and that experience has hardened us somehow.

Micheal A. Singer talks about this closing of the heart in his book, The Untethered Soul, as disappointments that leave impressions on our minds and hearts. Through these influences we are ruled by the desperate need to resist or cling to people places and things. I believe that in time these hurts buildup, and we begin to close ourselves off. 

I know for myself, when I look back to my childhood, I remember feeling free. Even though I was governed by a ton of rules, and hurtful things happened, they hadn't left any impacts on me. I think that in time physiological changes occur during our development, where the impressions are more lasting: we no longer intuitively shake them off. Therefore, we must develop practices to help massage them out. 

I believe we must first relieve ourselves of these impressions, by telling someone we trust about our traumas and difficulties, whether a professional health care worker or a trusted friend. When we release the stress and stop building the walls that keep us isolated, entrapped, and not living the way we truly want, once  we have purged that pain, we can change the way we interpret the world. 

The more true paradox is living openly. Through courageous and vulnerable living, we can show up feeling fulfilled, purposeful, and safe. Free from snares, free from the fear of death, and in love with ourselves and the world around us. Connected, sustained, and held together through a loving energy that always reminds us that we are on the right path, no matter what.