The harvest

I asked the Lord why life is so hard. Why isn't it working out properly. And he replied, "The harvest is bountiful, and so I need workers to collect it."

In time, the Lord's helpers' will reap a bounty which we did not sow. 

Ascension of the Lord

As we near the end of Eastertide and approach Pentecost, we this week celebrated the Ascension of the Lord in the liturgy. On this solemn occasion, Christ rose up into heaven, but before doing so, he commissioned the apostles to be disciples unto all of the nations.

I experienced the greatest dark night of my soul on Tuesday, possibly not coincidentally three days before the Ascension. (Or maybe it was two days, but I'm going with three for the sake of symbolism). Though I did not know it, my spirit had been prepared by the Holy Spirit for this evening, for a weaker body might have terminated itself. 

A way that the Lord had prepared my soul, was to use the Lenten and Easter seasons to re-commit to His spiritual body, the Church. He then called me to fast for some weeks prior to my dark night, so that I did not have extra fats or toxins that could cause a physical, and therefore emotional hindrance, and so that I was physically and therefore mentally comfortable enough to sit still and meditate. 

Then He opened my heart so that I could detach from the romantic desires that bestowed so much frustration and pain into my being. For the first time in my life, I loved not myself enough, that I was able to be happy for someone else, even though my ego wept.

And on my dark night, in my desperation to get well, I shared for the first time two things that I kept buried, with people whom I trusted through circumstance, though with I wasn't well acquainted. The responses were not only painful, but in and of themselves crosstalk that was also inconsistent with the Spirit of God. 

I was not only ashamed, but terrified. I felt a loneliness like no other, it was unlike any alienation I had experienced. But the Lord had prepared me, and I knew what I had to do: go even deeper into what had me frightened. I trusted in my efforts, I trusted in Christ, and I went home, knowing that I would make it out on the other end of the passage. 

Before my dark night was over, I went to the Pope's Twitter page to draw inspiration, but instead I saw something alarming. I went onto Google to inconspicuously search for a meaning into what I had perceived to have found, but it was not God's will: it possibly would have been more of a burden than at that time I could have handled. So, I sat down to meditate. I asked the Lord to speak to me, and I heard a voice, "I hate you". I opened my eyes sharply. That was not God. I heard another voice, "Go to bed." That was God, and so I did. 

I retired for the evening, confident in my discernment, my safety, and my faith: I had been victorious.

I arose the next morning, thankful to be alive, and contrite for the selfishness and self-pity that had preceded my tormented soul..All of the pain that I had endured was not of God, but the messages that I recovered from it was. By this time I had been led to a second group of people who were strong and honest and caring enough to help me. I shared with them, and when I spoke, they nodded. I had found my people.

One man has taken me under his wing, and I have been getting stronger everyday, growing more in love, patience, humility, honesty, and forgiveness. This morning Father said that we are all disciples, called to spread the Word of God, come to heal the sick, bind the broken, comfort the downtrodden, care for the destitute, bring light to where there is darkness.

Every human plays a role: we all stretch out into different directions, retrieving the lost. I know what my role is now - to welcome those so assaulted, so alone, that they want to die. Like how I did. My soul went into Sheol, but it has arisen with Christ who now dwells within me. And I can show you how to get back, too.

The grace of God

The Church teaches that grace is unmerited, because God requires nothing but a willingness to believe that we may be healed.  We are not asked to work for it, we are not asked to desire it, we are not even asked to be a good person and thereby deserving of it.  Religious people are not necessarily virtuous: they simply have humbled themselves enough to believe that God can perform miracles in their lives: that they can have good lives and feel close to God, even if they are not exceptional people.

The first century Christians were no different than the twenty-first century Christians: they argued ceaselessly over who was saved and who wasn't, who was good and who wasn't, who was right and who wasn't, ad infinitum.  Fortunately for us, the hardest working apostle, straight from the stock of Christ, set the record straight on how to receive the love of God.  Hear it!

"You stupid people in Galatia!  After you have had a clear picture of Jesus Christ crucified, right in front of your eyes, who has put a spell on you?  There is only one thing I should like you to tell me: How was it that you received the Spirit - was it by practice of the Law, or by believing in the message you heard?  Having begun in the Spirit, can you be so stupid as to end in the flesh?  Can all the favours you have received have had no effect at all - if there really has been no effect?  Would you say, then, that he who so lavishly sends Spirit to you, and causes the miracles among you, is doing this through your practice of the Law or because you believed the message you heard?"

Galatians 3.1-5, The New Jerusalem Bible

On food

I switched my blog URL today, and so far I have had 50 hits. That's about the same amount I had in 2013 combined. Guess there were a lot of misguided searches...

Given that no one here knows me, it might seem irrelevant, but this entry is actually a pretty big shift in my interests and growth as a person. In these last months of my 35th trip around the sun, I began to have a more amicable relationship with food. I have always had really screwy eating habits, but, having been a practicing alcoholic, I guess the whole unhealthy facets in lifestyle thing was part and parcel.

So a brief introduction, I have been, for the most part, at a healthy or slightly below average weight, though I did go through an intensive sort of ascetic lifestyle for few years and was scary skinny, and then another time I had a rough season or two after being fired from a job and, though I don't like to admit it, was a bit over-weight (I am pretty sure: I am good at blocking memories, but I did see a picture from a wedding I attended...)

I follow this new-ager online who thinks she is from another planet, on her less humble days, but for some reason I am practically enamoured with her. She just had a baby and her work went more from spiritual to food-based, though raw organic foods has always been a big piece of her identity. I had always felt bewildered by what she said and recommended, and over-whelmed by her exotic recipes and items. But I have become increasingly more interested in food after having a real change in life events the past few months, and I saw how healthy eating heals me both physically and mentally, and thereby emotionally.

More recently after reading that she did not have stretch marks because of the foods that she ate during her pregnancy, accompanied by my wish to stop the aging process, I am becoming more interested in specifically fruits and vegetables; for it is with those that I have seen for myself their rejuvenating powers, felt satiated and energized for hours, and am able to enjoy them without much prep-work or know-how. Now that I have seen fruitful results (pun intended!), I can recognize how intimidated I have felt by food, and how inferior I can feel when it comes to making food choices. This is insanity to me, for food is a pillar of my very existence!

Everyone knows that obesity is a problem in our society, and I have heard time and again that it is not necessarily a consequence of bad eating habits, inactivity, or addiction, and on the latter, I will now agree. But I also now believe wholeheartedly that we as a people have lost reality with what and how we are to eat, and now know nothing about food or how it works with our bodies. And then we justify "healthy" levels of fat to validate our gluttonous lifestyles and (rightly so) poor self-images. I use my own experiences to make sense of this.

I maintain an average or slightly below average weight, because I don't eat much meat and I am an athlete, but all it takes is one day of bad eating and it shows. Then all it takes is one week of build-up, and I become demoralized. Given that I am not an unusual case, can one only imagine how easy it is for someone with a slower or average metabolism, as well as who is not athletic, to gain extra weight? I believe that we don't understand the dangers of certain foods in relation to our bodies, along with our eating patterns, because these habits started so long ago that the repercussions simply became normal.

So, why are we as a people over-weight? I assert that the human body was designed to consume very little food, and even less meats and dairy. But this means that what is consumed must be almost always, if not always, healthy (fruits, vegetables, grains, yogurt, and lean meats, the last arguably not even necessary with enough vitamins, fiber, and the protein that is found in a wide variety of fruits and veggies), and then lastly washed down, for the most part, with only  water. All the rest is merely comfort and decadent eating and drinking. 

That's about it!

Freeze

I will fight
to the death
to protect
the hurt
feelings
that make me
vulnerable
to you.

On this Lenten season

Wow, did I ever mess it up this month, but God is Good! He thirsts for those who thirst for Him, and I was parched and so He never left me, even though I deserved to perish in my sins. May I never be so philosophical and foolish again! I am comforted in knowing that regardless of what happens to my soul, the Devil will never prevail against Christ's Church, even if we all are sick enough to leave it. 

The Christian's Hardships

"We put no stumbling block in anyone's path, 

so that our ministry will not be discredited.  

Rather, as servants of God we commend ourselves in every way: 

in great endurance; 

in troubles, hardships, and distresses; 

in beatings, imprisonments, and riots; 

in hard work, sleepless nights, and hunger; 

in purity, understanding, patience, and kindness; 

in the Holy Spirit and in sincere love, 

in truthful speech and in the power of God; 

with weapons of righteousness in the right hand and in the left; 

through glory and dishonour, 

bad report and good report; 

genuine, yet regarded as impostures, 

known, yet regarded as unknown; 

dying, and yet we live on; 

beaten, and yet not killed; 

sorrowful, yet always rejoicing; 

poor, yet making many rich; 

having nothing, 

and yet possessing everything."

2 Co 6.3-10