As I study for my next level of certification as a health coach, I was taken aback by a joke made by the instructor in the video. In her reference to Maslow's Hierarchy of Needs, she drew a line at the bottom of the pyramid to have wine at the base. She said she hopes we don't mind that she altered the theory, and that everyone needs a glass of wine now and then. It caused me to think about my alcoholism, and was a great reminder that a very small percentage of the population actually live with this mental illness. I realized that it's my need to continually be present with my alcoholism, because in honoring it, I am living in both authenticity and gratitude. It is in these realms where I am the most happy.
After having moved in with my partner, in a basically open concept home, I have had a huge paradigm shift in my life. I have never lived so closely with someone before, and as a result I am not doing as much independent work. To add to this, I haven't been going to my AA meetings after a Covid scare at my work near the end of the summer, which caused me to take half a week off while I waited for my negative test result, bringing me very much back to the reality that we are still in a pandemic, and contact tracing is not something I am wanting to participate in.
In all of this, I have become almost one unit with my partner, as well as only catching a few online AA meetings here and there. It has therefore been challenging to identify as an alcoholic, especially as I recently celebrated 8 years of sobriety, and having had a spiritual awakening don't really grapple with this condition today. Yet this is something I never want to be far away from, because I know that I have a mental disease in remission, not cured. I love identifying as an alcoholic, it brings me back to my roots, and makes my life make sense. It is a privilege to be recovered, and not a reason to disconnect.
Today I have learned self-compassion, as taught by Kristin Neff, and I have also lived through so much the past year, most notably my rejection of pharmaceutical medication, and moving through grief. These obstacles overcome makes these pandemic challenges much more easy to put into perspective. "This too shall pass" was an axiom I couldn't wrap my head around until even recently, but today, I know that it's true.
Finding ways to be present in isolation has been manageable, and it all returns to a one day at a time philosophy that my program of recovery taught me. A program that I can apply to all facets of my life today - a life that I am now proud of because of certain Steps I took and continue to take daily. Learning to live honestly and within my own means has been challenging, but very rewarding and healing. I am learning self-mastery, and a necessary component of that has been acceptance of what I cannot change, and in those areas courage to change my thinking, so that I can live in grace.
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