I've been meditating daily, pretty much since April 2020, when we were in the first lockdown. I appreciated the time and space I had to go deeper into my spiritual practice; it was a life-changing practice. It transformed me, and prepared me for life events that I might not have managed so well otherwise.
Almost a year later, when I was back in school, I learned mindfulness meditation. I took to that like a sponge in water. I picked it up really fast, because I was practicing my own hodgepodge methods the year leading up to that more organized approach, so there was something for its concepts to stick to.
But what I noticed in my class, as the instructor guided us to our breath, was that my breathing was very shallow. That didn't really bother me, as one of the tenants of mindfulness meditation is non-striving. Therefore I was able to fully embrace my meditation, and just be with my shallow breath, knowing I was on the right track.
I've never use any apps, but earlier this month when I was searching for a loving kindness meditation, I discovered Meditation Space on Spotify. I always liked their Head Space ads, but didn't want to purchase the app. I was thrilled to discover this free service of daily 10 minute meditations, and I have put my personal 15-20 minute meditations aside to enjoy these ones with a beginner's mind (another tenant of mindfulness).
The other day, when we were guided to our breath, I noticed how long and deep my breathing was again. I realized that I was in incredible stress the months leading up to my father's death, to the point it cut my breath off. I knew I was in a negative space, and I took the actions I could at the time for self-care, but now I understand more clearly how mental stress can affect us physically.
I love mindfulness. While it doesn't offer an escape from my problems, when practicing it, it takes away all of my fears and worries. That gives me the space and therefore the capacity to come up with solutions to my problems. It is a incredible tool.
When someone appears to be unconscious, we check for their breath. Today I understand this to be more than a worldly life-force which signifies we are alive on earth. In the Hebrew bible, breath translates as the spirit of God. When I am connected to my breath, I am connected to God, because I am living in the moment, which is what Jesus instructed us to do. I am conscious of my ability to be soothed and to heal.
Without meditation in my life, I am not sure I would be able to accept myself as I am, or my circumstances as they are. I am grateful that the people around me led me to this practice, so that with the power granted to me through it, I can continue to show up as the best version of myself.
"Enchanted Garden", Rassouli Art Studio
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