As I learn about a lot of "self" work in my wellness coaching program, I am reminded of what the brand of Christianity that I generally connect to would have to say about that. In a nutshell, idolatry. And in this case, it could in fact sound a lot like the worship of self.
But through contemplation, I realized that there is a vast difference between being selfish for my own wants, and selfish for my own needs, as well as a difference between being strong in my own power, and being strong in God's power. And for those who find the word God unpalatable, for the purpose of this article you can substitute that word with Higher Power, Higher Self, the Universe, Creative Intelligence, etc.
When I look back at who I was two years ago, during a significant change in my life, and who I am today, there is a lot of "self" involvement, and yet the context of self is fundamentally more different. Then, I was deeply rooted in self-pity, and today, I am deeply rooted in the word of God and how I can be of service to others. In so I have learned it's not the word "self" we want to really look at, it's whatever word follows it. Self-pity leads to responses that are entrenched in apathy, sadness, victimization, and scarcity. Self-esteem is planted in empathy, joy, empowerment, and abundance
When I had my spiritual experience in February 2020, and learnt that the cure to all of my mental disease abides in service, I found myself being blessed. But I eventually found that even being of service requires boundaries, meaning I needed to place myself first in certain situations. The message from those who were wiser finally went from my head to my heart: that I cannot pour from an empty cup. That was a tough but necessary lesson, and that really matured me. "Dying to self" took on a new, more authentic meaning.
Today this understanding also involves having a positive self-image that leads to healthy self-esteem, and that means I need to build up my self-efficacy. These practices will probably be my speciality as a Wellness Coach, and to the Evangelical Christian, probably looks like an idolatrous nightmare. But I have also learned that there is a world of difference between having a positive self-image so I can apply for the jobs I want and have the social and professional networks I want, and caring only about myself, where I can be of no help to anyone, or connected to anyone, because I am too wrapped up in my own problems (self).
There is a real sickness in the body of Christ, that is the church, that influences a belief that we must ultimately hate ourselves to follow Jesus, but really I believe that is a perversion of the teaching. Evolutionarily we had to really conform to the pack, and this coding is still in our genes. Being confident can breed jealously that could have historically gotten us kicked out of the tribe, and left to die. But we are no longer subject to ancestral tribes. To rejoice in the gifts of the Holy Spirit, or to be empowered by placing boundaries, is an act of self-love that recognizes my worth as a human being, and as a child of God. A child who is deserving of kindness, nourishment, and love - characteristics that I truly need to be able to give to myself, first.
When I look back at my thoughts and actions from just a short while ago, even as an observant Christian, compared to how they are today, as a self-empowered student of life, I am far more in the image of Christ today than I was then. The word "self" got hijacked, by some of my favourite online personalities, at that. Fortunately I now know the real difference between running on my own power of lack, and running on God's power of security. Today I can self-advocate, and still invite God in to guide me.
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