This is a piece showing the quick evolution of my feelings and experiences with social distancing and self-isolation this past week.
When we were first advised to practice social distancing about 1-2 weeks ago, I immediately revolted. Part of that was my defiant nature, but part of that was what I recognize now to be plain old fear. I didn't want to feel separated from people now that I am in a phase of my recovery where my mental health is contingent on a community, and so I went into a fight-or-flight response, where I would defend my beliefs and heroically that of others. But as the Holy Spirit works, I had little nudges here and there that I needed to be more considerate, and then an immediate and definitive conviction that I was required to get on board with what the government and my peers were saying. I realized that in being an advocate for closeness, I was putting those who I wanted to support, and be supported by, in a position to feel compromised.
Then as the news turned more grave, and we were asked to practice self-isolation, I again immediately defied the order. I thought that people were victims of mass hysteria. But once people who I trust with my life began to self-isolate and talk about doing their part to "flatten the curve", once again a nagging feeling told me that I needed to reconsider my position.
When I went to the store today, I did my best to practice social distancing by using the self-checkout and then also to use the one-meter rule. And while I am mindful of my surroundings and wash my hands and don't touch my face and keep a recommended distance, I can't control what other people do. And while I waited a couple of extra minutes in line to leave the middle kiosk open so that I could practice social distancing, the person behind me didn't. Despite my best efforts, I couldn't maintain the one-meter rule.
Then I went to Starbucks to buy a coffee. As requested by health officials, sit-in spots are to be removed, and only to-go service is to be provided. But at the Starbucks not only did they remove the tables and chairs, they also removed all of the dairy and sugars, and the baristas prepare the beverages themselves. There was truly a feeling of morbidity in that coffee shop.
I told the guy that I put all of my cash in my bank account the night before so that no money had to be handled, and he said, "What a smart idea, I don't want to be touching anyone's money." Of course he didn't! I finally recognized the fear flowing through service jobs right now. No one wants to be working in the public, and while I am still going to make purchases when needed, I decided that am not going to be making superficial transactions until this quarantine is officially cut off. I see now that one way of making social connections is to let people know that we care by not asking them to be on the front lines.
So now I will do my best to truly self-isolate, instead of popping into stores here and there. This has been an impressive learning opportunity for me, to take care of myself, to care about others, to trust authority, and to make so many amends. Whatever our underlying fears are at this time, I have been out and about enough to report that while we are not restocked in large part, there is still enough food and that where it really truly matters, it is still business as usual.
I go back to work tomorrow for a few hours a day, and yes I am afraid of getting sick, or of being a carrier, but I also need to know that if I follow the guidelines of social distancing and cleanliness, everything will be alright.
When we were first advised to practice social distancing about 1-2 weeks ago, I immediately revolted. Part of that was my defiant nature, but part of that was what I recognize now to be plain old fear. I didn't want to feel separated from people now that I am in a phase of my recovery where my mental health is contingent on a community, and so I went into a fight-or-flight response, where I would defend my beliefs and heroically that of others. But as the Holy Spirit works, I had little nudges here and there that I needed to be more considerate, and then an immediate and definitive conviction that I was required to get on board with what the government and my peers were saying. I realized that in being an advocate for closeness, I was putting those who I wanted to support, and be supported by, in a position to feel compromised.
Then as the news turned more grave, and we were asked to practice self-isolation, I again immediately defied the order. I thought that people were victims of mass hysteria. But once people who I trust with my life began to self-isolate and talk about doing their part to "flatten the curve", once again a nagging feeling told me that I needed to reconsider my position.
When I went to the store today, I did my best to practice social distancing by using the self-checkout and then also to use the one-meter rule. And while I am mindful of my surroundings and wash my hands and don't touch my face and keep a recommended distance, I can't control what other people do. And while I waited a couple of extra minutes in line to leave the middle kiosk open so that I could practice social distancing, the person behind me didn't. Despite my best efforts, I couldn't maintain the one-meter rule.
Then I went to Starbucks to buy a coffee. As requested by health officials, sit-in spots are to be removed, and only to-go service is to be provided. But at the Starbucks not only did they remove the tables and chairs, they also removed all of the dairy and sugars, and the baristas prepare the beverages themselves. There was truly a feeling of morbidity in that coffee shop.
I told the guy that I put all of my cash in my bank account the night before so that no money had to be handled, and he said, "What a smart idea, I don't want to be touching anyone's money." Of course he didn't! I finally recognized the fear flowing through service jobs right now. No one wants to be working in the public, and while I am still going to make purchases when needed, I decided that am not going to be making superficial transactions until this quarantine is officially cut off. I see now that one way of making social connections is to let people know that we care by not asking them to be on the front lines.
So now I will do my best to truly self-isolate, instead of popping into stores here and there. This has been an impressive learning opportunity for me, to take care of myself, to care about others, to trust authority, and to make so many amends. Whatever our underlying fears are at this time, I have been out and about enough to report that while we are not restocked in large part, there is still enough food and that where it really truly matters, it is still business as usual.
I go back to work tomorrow for a few hours a day, and yes I am afraid of getting sick, or of being a carrier, but I also need to know that if I follow the guidelines of social distancing and cleanliness, everything will be alright.
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| How to practice social distancing |
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