Not as the World Gives

"Peace I leave with you; my peace I give to you. Not as the world gives do I give to you. Let not your hearts be troubled, neither let them be afraid." (John 14.27, ESV)

I've been meditating on what it means to a Christian to have peace, and the answer that I received is to have the forgiveness of God. Something that does not give me peace, is when I am held in contempt for either decisions or for mistakes that I have made. As I recognize the major players in my life who have made it clear they don't want me around, I feel sadness and rejection. In this pain I asked God how I reconcile the irreconcilable. Why does Jesus say time and again, "Do not worry", and yet I do? And then I was led to the foot of the cross.

A piece of the problem I experience regularly is not quite fitting in to an identity where I feel that I can rest, no matter the discipline. Even in the Christian community, I can't get a foothold. It is a constant battle of "the right side", and I don't fit the mold no matter what denomination I turn to (which is partly why I started my Facebook page, Wisdom in Christ Ministries). 

One particular group that I have been blocked from on two fronts, but who I can still access through more public means such as channels and pages, talks about us as Christians not having to perform works to be saved, that good works is a result of, not a way to, salvation. It seems like a nice idea, but I felt something was missing. The example of seeing Jesus on the cross and saying to him, "Well, I can see you're suffering for me, but here I've done this and this and this, just in case I'm not actually covered." didn't seem a sufficient point. 

What I came to believe in my mediation is that Jesus suffering on the cross doesn't mean that I am cleared on the earthly plane, it means that I am forgiven by God. Furthermore, that I don't need to exert my will to be forgiven, the same way the reformed Christians assert grace by trying to comprehend and then negate works, favouring only faith. I now understand Jesus on the cross to mean forgiveness in the most complete sense, so that I CAN have his peace even when I can't get forgiveness from others. 

I can't control other people, but I can change the way I feel about myself. Perfectionism is a characteristic of dishonesty, which is the real offense. If I can't be absolved by this world's standards, I know unequivocally now that I can be by God's standards. My heart and my will can change, and the actions that follow can be the real works that demonstrate God's peace working through me. 

c/o anniebananie13, redbubble