"Joy is the ultimate creator." (Gabrielle Bernstein)
In my experience, times of joy have been far and few between. But I have developed a new way of living over the past 5+ years where I am learning what for me is true definition of joy. I used to think that joy meant happiness, cheer. and success - and it does, but today I think of it as exaltation.
When I am animated, I am able to create, and then it comes back around full circle where I experience joy once more in appreciating what I have made. But it took a long time for me to learn this. Instead of creating out of joy, I destroyed out of agitation. It's no wonder that joy has been virtually absent from my life.
But I then began to learn a new way of living where I also adopted a new definition of joy - Freedom. Freedom from all of the passions that I thought joy represented; freedom in now knowing that happiness, cheer, and success are not what will give me a quality and honest life.
For a very long time I lived in emotional and material scarcity, but worse than that, I thought I deserved it. Even today as I practice material and spiritual alchemy, I must resist the belief of karma, that I get what I deserve. And yet I also resist the belief that I am entitled to joy. I am not entitled to anything, in fact that word repulses me. But I am able to gladly reap what I sow, and in the miraculous when I reap what I do not sow, I acknowledge what was given to me.
"Freedom is never free". Just as I have to work to create, I also must to work to experience joy. There is a process of deprogramming and that is no easy feat. Finding the right methods and breaking free from tyrannous systems can be exhausting. People think that the therapy is for the deprogramming, but we also need recovery for the process of reversing brain-washing as well. That process is just as traumatic as the events that led to needing help in the first place.
Living a life of joy, of creation, is still elusive to me. It's hard to imagine a life with joy in it. So much so it took over half a week to actually write this piece and publish it after having it saved as a draft. The only reason why I chose this topic is because I pulled a card from a deck called The Universe Has Your Back. I felt like playing with cards in the goal of finding a topic to write on. But today I forgive that selfishness that has been at the root of my inability to live in real freedom and creation, because I believe that is merely a coping mechanism that I adapted growing up with alcoholism and mental illness.
In writing this piece, I believed that I was denying Jesus' teachings on joy. Since I couldn't recall an exact quote of Jesus speaking about joy, I did a quick Google search, and I saw this from the Gospel of John, the most romantic, beautiful, and mysterious book in the entire Bible:
In my experience, times of joy have been far and few between. But I have developed a new way of living over the past 5+ years where I am learning what for me is true definition of joy. I used to think that joy meant happiness, cheer. and success - and it does, but today I think of it as exaltation.
When I am animated, I am able to create, and then it comes back around full circle where I experience joy once more in appreciating what I have made. But it took a long time for me to learn this. Instead of creating out of joy, I destroyed out of agitation. It's no wonder that joy has been virtually absent from my life.
But I then began to learn a new way of living where I also adopted a new definition of joy - Freedom. Freedom from all of the passions that I thought joy represented; freedom in now knowing that happiness, cheer, and success are not what will give me a quality and honest life.
For a very long time I lived in emotional and material scarcity, but worse than that, I thought I deserved it. Even today as I practice material and spiritual alchemy, I must resist the belief of karma, that I get what I deserve. And yet I also resist the belief that I am entitled to joy. I am not entitled to anything, in fact that word repulses me. But I am able to gladly reap what I sow, and in the miraculous when I reap what I do not sow, I acknowledge what was given to me.
"Freedom is never free". Just as I have to work to create, I also must to work to experience joy. There is a process of deprogramming and that is no easy feat. Finding the right methods and breaking free from tyrannous systems can be exhausting. People think that the therapy is for the deprogramming, but we also need recovery for the process of reversing brain-washing as well. That process is just as traumatic as the events that led to needing help in the first place.
Living a life of joy, of creation, is still elusive to me. It's hard to imagine a life with joy in it. So much so it took over half a week to actually write this piece and publish it after having it saved as a draft. The only reason why I chose this topic is because I pulled a card from a deck called The Universe Has Your Back. I felt like playing with cards in the goal of finding a topic to write on. But today I forgive that selfishness that has been at the root of my inability to live in real freedom and creation, because I believe that is merely a coping mechanism that I adapted growing up with alcoholism and mental illness.
In writing this piece, I believed that I was denying Jesus' teachings on joy. Since I couldn't recall an exact quote of Jesus speaking about joy, I did a quick Google search, and I saw this from the Gospel of John, the most romantic, beautiful, and mysterious book in the entire Bible:
"Most assuredly, I say to you that you will weep and lament, but the world will rejoice; and you will be sorrowful, but your sorrow will be turned into joy." (John 16.20, NKJV)It will take time. The road to recovery is long - if we are lucky and survive the journey that is often in worn-out sandals, with blisters, wild animals waiting to devour, the blazing sun and bitter cold, hunger and thirst, and all sort of aches and pains. But today, I could never say no to that walk.
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