I passed through an interesting transformation at the beginning of this week whereby I accepted the release of fear. Naturally it is liberating, but it has also brought about a sense of confidence and purpose in which all the years I prayed and worked to be released from fear I wasn't expecting. I think the most pivotal change has been that I sincerely care about other people. The release of my egotism has paved the way for connection, and therefore I know for certain now that the opposite of fear is love - something that was taught to me at the beginning of my regenerative journey.
There is a cocooning in this metamorphosis which protects me from defaulting to a survival state of fear which comes in the form of resentment most identifiable through feelings of regret, self-pity and jealousy. What I have come to notice is that these feelings arise from a false notion of entitlement that can instead be recognized as threatening only because I am already blessed. When in fear I am crippled by the belief that my blessings are in danger of being removed, but by being grateful for what can feel threatened, that which once had the ability to disturb me is rendered powerless.
I needed to arrive at a place of acceptance through honesty by acknowledging that I didn't care to engage with people, learn from them, or need their friendship. Everything that anyone could ever say was a waste of time to me; even my own interests and hobbies became pointless. Since the leveling of my pride made possible through God's grace I became able and willing to live with a humble heart, rather than a cunning mind. The results have been miraculous and today I am no longer living on the peripheral of even my own life.
I see purpose and value in everything I do, from a simple chore to an extension of kindness. The freedom from needing validation has paradoxically made me feel more validated. This has strengthened my connection to God and to others because 1) I have complete confidence is what I do, and 2) I don't need the approval or compliments of others to feel good about myself.
There is no quick method to being rid of fear that I know of, but I don't believe it needs to be onerous work, either. At some point this week my attitude and outlook shifted from having to desperately pray "God, replace my fear with faith" to "Thank you God for your gifts today", and maybe it was just my time to reap what I have sown. While it took time and effort, I don't believe there are levels of initiation that must be passed in order to receive the peace of God and to feel satisfied in a twenty-four hour day, or that God's joy is only for a few. With intention and purpose, it is possible to live free of worry, confident in our surroundings.
Today I am respectful of my past, excited about my present, and hopeful for my future, and that is an awesome place to reside in.
There is a cocooning in this metamorphosis which protects me from defaulting to a survival state of fear which comes in the form of resentment most identifiable through feelings of regret, self-pity and jealousy. What I have come to notice is that these feelings arise from a false notion of entitlement that can instead be recognized as threatening only because I am already blessed. When in fear I am crippled by the belief that my blessings are in danger of being removed, but by being grateful for what can feel threatened, that which once had the ability to disturb me is rendered powerless.
I needed to arrive at a place of acceptance through honesty by acknowledging that I didn't care to engage with people, learn from them, or need their friendship. Everything that anyone could ever say was a waste of time to me; even my own interests and hobbies became pointless. Since the leveling of my pride made possible through God's grace I became able and willing to live with a humble heart, rather than a cunning mind. The results have been miraculous and today I am no longer living on the peripheral of even my own life.
I see purpose and value in everything I do, from a simple chore to an extension of kindness. The freedom from needing validation has paradoxically made me feel more validated. This has strengthened my connection to God and to others because 1) I have complete confidence is what I do, and 2) I don't need the approval or compliments of others to feel good about myself.
There is no quick method to being rid of fear that I know of, but I don't believe it needs to be onerous work, either. At some point this week my attitude and outlook shifted from having to desperately pray "God, replace my fear with faith" to "Thank you God for your gifts today", and maybe it was just my time to reap what I have sown. While it took time and effort, I don't believe there are levels of initiation that must be passed in order to receive the peace of God and to feel satisfied in a twenty-four hour day, or that God's joy is only for a few. With intention and purpose, it is possible to live free of worry, confident in our surroundings.
Today I am respectful of my past, excited about my present, and hopeful for my future, and that is an awesome place to reside in.
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