"We are not made for the mountains, for sunrises, or for the other beautiful attractions in life— those are simply intended to be moments of inspiration. We are made for the valley and the ordinary things of life, and that is where we have to prove our stamina and strength. Yet our spiritual selfishness always wants repeated moments on the mountain. We feel that we could talk and live like perfect angels, if we could only stay on the mountaintop." - Oswald Chambers
I came to see the error in my thinking that if only I could stay on the mountaintop, if only I could remain in the environment that best suits me, I could be the person who God intended me to be, but what I didn't actually have the strength to be. I had grown weary of those moments of relief, where it seemed like God was just throwing me a bone. I wanted - no, deserved - a life of continuous inspiration and spiritual ecstasy, where all would always be right in my world, where I would have the patience of the saints and the power of the angels.
I didn't realize that those things don't come from moments of exhalation when God claims me for His own, they come through continuous and relentless hard work. For anyone who clicks on the link to read where this quote comes from, Chambers refers to a story in the Bible (see Mark 9:14-18), a brutal scene where the disciples could not heal a child. The scribes began to provoke them, and Jesus arrived having to ask what was going on. What a humiliating blow.
It's not that the disciples didn't hold the inherent power to heal the child, it's that they were not prepared. They had not made the sacrifices necessary to undertake such a massive task. I have always recognized the unpreparedness in this passage, and could theorize that I was not doing all of the work that I could be doing, but since I am not an exorcist I was fine staying in my comfort zone and leaving the serious healing up to the professionals.
I went merrily along my unprepared state, feeling quite righteous, until one day my path became obstructed. A dark cloud was besetting upon me, and it scared me to the point of tears. I wrote it off as hormonal imbalance, I would discover it was because I was about to face the most fierce demons to date. So when the time came for face-to-face combat, I lost. I simply did not have the strength because I had not trained. I was unprepared because I sat on my laurels and coasted for years. Ignorance is bliss, until it becomes grief.
In all healing there are dangers to the practitioner, and a worldly example that I find amazing is that emergency responders actually wave their rights under the law for the protection that all other citizens may benefit from, so that they may help others. This is no different in the supernatural world, there are consequences to helping a very sick person when not equipped, and I wasn't.
But a battle lost becomes a training field in preparation for winning the war. My culture shock was a necessary experience to gain new knowledge about myself and the world around me. As Chambers taught, the question is not what did I learn, but how can I apply this new information that I have acquired? Did I really want remain disconnected from this world? No, I would rather lose a fight than not develop and learn new stratagem.
I have recovered from my two-day long battle, but there are still some parts that are fuzzy that I need to sort out, with God. It's important that apathy is not mistaken for confidence, or diffidence for uprightness, lest I risk opportunities to be of service, due to uninformed conclusions.
I'm in a new month with a new job and new friends and a lot of hope. Out of mire grows healing ingredients, and now I am learning how to work with my surroundings, instead of against them. I aim to not slide into indifference again, but in order to resist complacency, I must work everyday, actively and with intention. Having new experiences, I can with new information be proactive in order to stay better connected to what is required of me in day-to-day living, and that's a good feeling.
I didn't realize that those things don't come from moments of exhalation when God claims me for His own, they come through continuous and relentless hard work. For anyone who clicks on the link to read where this quote comes from, Chambers refers to a story in the Bible (see Mark 9:14-18), a brutal scene where the disciples could not heal a child. The scribes began to provoke them, and Jesus arrived having to ask what was going on. What a humiliating blow.
It's not that the disciples didn't hold the inherent power to heal the child, it's that they were not prepared. They had not made the sacrifices necessary to undertake such a massive task. I have always recognized the unpreparedness in this passage, and could theorize that I was not doing all of the work that I could be doing, but since I am not an exorcist I was fine staying in my comfort zone and leaving the serious healing up to the professionals.
I went merrily along my unprepared state, feeling quite righteous, until one day my path became obstructed. A dark cloud was besetting upon me, and it scared me to the point of tears. I wrote it off as hormonal imbalance, I would discover it was because I was about to face the most fierce demons to date. So when the time came for face-to-face combat, I lost. I simply did not have the strength because I had not trained. I was unprepared because I sat on my laurels and coasted for years. Ignorance is bliss, until it becomes grief.
In all healing there are dangers to the practitioner, and a worldly example that I find amazing is that emergency responders actually wave their rights under the law for the protection that all other citizens may benefit from, so that they may help others. This is no different in the supernatural world, there are consequences to helping a very sick person when not equipped, and I wasn't.
But a battle lost becomes a training field in preparation for winning the war. My culture shock was a necessary experience to gain new knowledge about myself and the world around me. As Chambers taught, the question is not what did I learn, but how can I apply this new information that I have acquired? Did I really want remain disconnected from this world? No, I would rather lose a fight than not develop and learn new stratagem.
I have recovered from my two-day long battle, but there are still some parts that are fuzzy that I need to sort out, with God. It's important that apathy is not mistaken for confidence, or diffidence for uprightness, lest I risk opportunities to be of service, due to uninformed conclusions.
I'm in a new month with a new job and new friends and a lot of hope. Out of mire grows healing ingredients, and now I am learning how to work with my surroundings, instead of against them. I aim to not slide into indifference again, but in order to resist complacency, I must work everyday, actively and with intention. Having new experiences, I can with new information be proactive in order to stay better connected to what is required of me in day-to-day living, and that's a good feeling.
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| Valley of Confusion by Markus43 |
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