Too many times I have relied possibly too heavily for encouragement from people who possibly had no business carrying a lantern, both in the New Age and Christian communities. Too many times I have depended upon other people's convictions, only to see them dwindle off. The usual culprit is what it has been since the beginning of time, no doubt. Love. Most notably, false love. False love for they thought was a spiritual purpose, or false love in new partnerships. Either finding more importance in their material life, or falling apart when it doesn't turn out as planned. Leaders disappearing, discontinuing, and the worst of all, disassociating, with more than one issuing public recants.
And I am not meaning to victimize myself, I must take responsibility for relying too passionately on just about every spiritual guide I have ever turned to for inspiration, all who have gone by the wayside. People I thought were fearless, but who were actually weak and fake. People who I thought relied on God but in actuality relied on self and elementary survival codes. I ignored signs either by manipulating them, or omitting them entirely, in order to justify my feelings and support people who did not deserve my diligence.
Part of my own soul journey is to level my pride because I have a disease of loneliness, and have discovered that I cannot live in a fantasy world of grandeur while at the same time form the meaningful connections needed to alleviate my afflictions. So it is appropriate that while I don't place myself on a pedestal, I don't place others on one, as well. The solution that I believe to be most trust-worthy at this point. is to be guided by my own intuition, not someone else's personal revelations, and to probably move more slowly through any engagement with the trailblazers who have what the pattern seems to be only seasons of counsel.
Life can be unnecessarily painful when I give my power away, whether that be to teachers, parents, friends, or lovers. I do not subscribe to the belief that all people will eventually let us down, but I do recognize today that I must respect myself before I respect others. While I currently lament over false prophets, I do not believe that relationships need to inevitably mislead us. When we can relate ourselves rightly to God, His universe, and others, through a commitment to self to be the best version of ourselves, I see no need for letdown or conflict.
We are all just fumbling our way as we reach our destination - the end of the road where we know not what awaits us, and truly, that makes us all equal, and all fallible. Hopefully moving forward I will learn to place more trust in myself and let go of expectations I place on others, including my own ideas of what true happiness and release really is.
And I am not meaning to victimize myself, I must take responsibility for relying too passionately on just about every spiritual guide I have ever turned to for inspiration, all who have gone by the wayside. People I thought were fearless, but who were actually weak and fake. People who I thought relied on God but in actuality relied on self and elementary survival codes. I ignored signs either by manipulating them, or omitting them entirely, in order to justify my feelings and support people who did not deserve my diligence.
Part of my own soul journey is to level my pride because I have a disease of loneliness, and have discovered that I cannot live in a fantasy world of grandeur while at the same time form the meaningful connections needed to alleviate my afflictions. So it is appropriate that while I don't place myself on a pedestal, I don't place others on one, as well. The solution that I believe to be most trust-worthy at this point. is to be guided by my own intuition, not someone else's personal revelations, and to probably move more slowly through any engagement with the trailblazers who have what the pattern seems to be only seasons of counsel.
Life can be unnecessarily painful when I give my power away, whether that be to teachers, parents, friends, or lovers. I do not subscribe to the belief that all people will eventually let us down, but I do recognize today that I must respect myself before I respect others. While I currently lament over false prophets, I do not believe that relationships need to inevitably mislead us. When we can relate ourselves rightly to God, His universe, and others, through a commitment to self to be the best version of ourselves, I see no need for letdown or conflict.
We are all just fumbling our way as we reach our destination - the end of the road where we know not what awaits us, and truly, that makes us all equal, and all fallible. Hopefully moving forward I will learn to place more trust in myself and let go of expectations I place on others, including my own ideas of what true happiness and release really is.
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| The truth lay in the Rose. |
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