Live and let live

I was told today that growth doesn't have to come through (just) pain - that it can also come through joy, and when I take time to reflect on what my joys are, they multiply. This reminds me of writing gratitude lists. I have had much success with gratitude lists, in that they really do rewire the brain. So when disappointment strikes, I can default to the silver lining, or if it's really bad, recall something that I have been blessed with, no matter how minuscule it might seem.

So what are my joys? A clean house, a nice dinner at the table, tea, a good show on Netflix, watching my cat do whatever it is cats do (usually sleep), stretching (though when I'm in my lazy phases I tend to neglect them), loyalty to my fellowship and church, the odd coffee date with a friend...

I believe when I take for granted the things in my life which bring me stability, I lose that consistency and get really scrambled and confused in my mind. I read a quote today by the Dalai Lama who said we add pain and suffering by over-reacting to minor things and taking things too personally. This is exactly what I did about two weeks ago, and really it was me playing God. I was upset at so many people and I judged them. I took it upon myself to define a standard of right living that I had no business drawing lines of. And guess what? I was the one drinking the poison, I was the one losing my mind, while they weren't even losing sleep.

But today I am reminded to focus on what I need to do, and to recognize that it's the joys in my life  that maintain steadfastness, every morning, afternoon, and evening. It's best to trust the way situations unfold, because when I try to run the show, which I really did the other week, I forfeit my stability. And for what? To be a superhero? Superheros aren't neurotic, they are reliable and trustworthy. Having discipline has nothing to do with what others are doing, it's all on me to get done what I need to get done in order to carry out God's will, which is as I understand it, be as physically and spiritually healthy as I can be. Today I know how to be the vessel of love and service that God requires of me, and I need to let others live their lives, without fear and apprehension of how that will affect me and without judgement of myself, or of others.

I had an incomplete idea of what true health, true worship, and true healing looked like, and it wasn't the vision that was corrupted, it was forcing it onto other people. I know what I need to do and I know that I need humility which means to not be higher than anyone else. What a terrible burden to bear needing to be right, needing to be liked, and needing to be first. It is a long and arduous road when I play God. Moving forward I plan to focus on my joys and talents, because when I'm not appreciating what has been gifted to me, I'm in danger of walking the fine line of the edge of the bluff, about to lose balance.

A beacon