In new time

I know I haven't been writing much lately. This is typical behaviour: I am heavily active in something and then misstep. I respond to stress by flight, or I fight and get knocked down. One way or another, I suppose that happened with my blog here. This is not dire, though. The definition of sin is to "miss the mark", and no one is without blemish. 

While my studies are being maintained - my Bible reading, some oracle card readings, and activity in my online communities, I have not been inspired enough to believe I have a message to share. This is a defeatist attitude, and I know it. Still it is hard to talk myself into relief, or to ask God for support, when I am in the valley. I am still very tired, but perhaps I am feeling a grace to continue on now.

I am being told that my trial is over, and that it is time to be ready to ascend to higher grounds, back up the mountain. The Earth is calling me to remember Her and to keep my eye on the bigger picture - agape love for Nature and for others. I am back to the beginning, starting afresh. New home, new friends, new decade, new trust, new coping skills, and new outlook on life and what is truly important. 

I was thinking yesterday how often I drop the ball, but today I know I can pick it back up. The worst thing I can do is regret or sit in self - that is where all sorts of trouble begins, and I am at a point where I can't be bothered for drama anymore. A part of it is exhaustion but the other part has been a shift in perspective, and realizing what actually matters. So I can now limit the amount of influence I let others have over me. 

My values and outlook are much more connected and grounded, and this is liberating. And when I am freed from the shackles of self and others, my days move pretty smoothly and I'm a lot more pleasant to be around. And this is the greatest gift for me - to be someone who is wanted during stress; someone who brings comfort just by being present. 

That is a key word - present. Being in tune with the reality of situations makes this world ten-fold less dangerous and intimidating, and it makes me a much better person without such the tainted past that I tend to like to remember.