In the stillness

While sobriety has not seemed worth it at times, especially as of late, it is during those difficult moments in general living when I can thankfully recognize that without my program of recovery, I would have not had my psychic change, which is just a fancy expression to mean that I have a new reaction to agitating situations - I can respond and not retaliate. I can take a step back and assess rather than letting my emotions make a grand entrance (and which is always followed by regret).

I received some bad news this morning, and I wanted to righteously express my disapproval, because I had been disrespected; legitimately disrespected - this was not an offence of the paranoid imaginary sort. But I paused in my dismay, and I deleted the email. In the healing of new flesh and spirit that has woven over the years, I didn't need to be codependent and pretend that I was going to respect a decision that I think was a big mistake on the other person's end. I just let it go in the stillness of my acceptance.

Because that is what I have today - acceptance. But more so, a full trust in God who rules in the High Court, and who I am related to. I know that God will bestow favour on me, because He has my entire life. He gave me beauty and grace, and so people were more apt to help me in times of need (which I never even asked for because I was too proud). He gave me a brain which is unusually developed on both sides - logic and creative. He gave me a family that while cursed, would put themselves on the streets before turning me away. He gave me friends who I've had since before I was a teenager, who kept me close even when I wanted nothing to do with them, and who forgave me when I was ready to return.

Without God, I don't care. I have been looking into some alternative forms of spirituality, and the three "schools" that I have given way too much money to (and this doesn't even include the monthly $5.00 exchange rates) are all glorified self-help programs that teach "mind-over-matter". It is exhausting to live a life that is exerted on self-will. Who can bear that? I can't. I won't even try, and I don't even need to anymore, because while the lower courts have ruled that I am a loser, the Son of the Most High says other. He will overrule the verdict of my fate. He says I am worth fighting for, I am worth sacrificing for, and I am worth waiting for.

I am not a rare case, miracles happen in God's world all the time. I am not a prophet who has been anointed, I am a girl who lost her way, in a big way. If God can do for me what I could never have done for myself, please ask yourself, why couldn't the angels in heaven carry you to health and abundance, too? Because today I have health and abundance. I am turning 40 tomorrow and I look half my age, I have a beautiful new home (though alas I am no longer a landowner), I have the most healthy quintessential cat, and I fully reject any teaching of karma.

I trust in God's plan for me, not in the mistakes I have made. I followed my dream and I ignored what everybody said about me never becoming a professional dancer, but I still worked like one. Now I have awesome technique and have been academically graded through one of the most prestigious schools in the world. And probably the most important achievement has been that in trusting God, I have made restitution to myself, my neighbour, and my family, and everyday I am given the strength and determination to make good on those amends.

It's time to redefine success. Because when the Most High calls on you to serve Him (and you know when He does), it's because you are damn strong and vindicated, and He wants you to represent Him. What "they" tell you success is, through their phony social media sites, debased advertising, and reality shows, is actually the enemy telling you that you will never inherit what is your birthright. Don't believe it. Retreat back to God, and He will demonstrate through your lives in ways that others can witness, how gifted you truly are.

Gabrielle Bernstein "The Universe Has Your Back"