Forgiveness through accountability

Sometimes people really hurt us. Someone hurt me recently to the point that it took all of my energy and I couldn't even retaliate. In my mind, I knew the words, the context, the tone, everything that I wanted to say, and how I wanted to say it. But the truth is, that offence wasn't out of nowhere. This was a buildup of weeks and weeks of arguing. And while it seemed to have gone too far this time, was I not really the maker of my own misery?

I hear a lot about "unconditional love", but what does that mean? Isn't all love conditional? The most common expression of unconditional love is for a parent's love for his or her child, but when practicing "loving detachment" in times of hardship is that really unconditional? Following a certain line of behaviour in order to be accepted or to yield certain results sure seems like conditions put in place to me. 

But who cares what unconditional love really is, when in the final analysis, we can most certainly see where we played a role in the letdown of a connection. Therefore, "unconditional love" should refer to one thing only - the relationship, respect, and integrity that we have with ourselves. 

During this painful letdown from a loved one, because I have had years of training in a Program of Recovery, where I was literally taught that my troubles are of my own making, and that the solution lies in accepting my actions and making restitution TO MYSELF, I was able to take this disappointment, this dismissal, and use it as an OPPORTUNITY to start over.

I am accomplishing this with accepting that yes, my attitude was rude, immature, and I used really foul language. I hurt this person's feelings even when knowing he was going though a hard time, just as I was. So now I GET to correct the way I now interact with this person, and am clear-minded enough make choices that might facilitate a more healthy relationship for us both.. So for me, unconditional love is to show kindness and generosity, without hashing up the past, by looking at my own actions FIRST. And after I dropped a few tears in my acceptance and in my resolve, I have experienced a reprieve where I can begin this day fresh and anew, just as God intended. 

A letdown is just a levelled platform for a brand new starting point. See where you could have make better choices, chosen kinder words, used a more gentle delivery in expressing grievances. See where your actions could have precipitated certain responses from others who have make you feel (erroneously) victimized. We are all just people with our own concerns and worries. And while God never intended us to go about our daily lives in apprehension, we're not in the 5th dimension yet, so let's make the most of where we are today, and begin again.