Reliable signs

Today on my way into work I noticed a street sign where more than half of the name is ripped off. It notes a big street at a major intersection. This spot is a hub, and I imagined all of the people who end up in that area, lost and disoriented, without having any way to see where they are in the one second granted while moving thirty-five miles an hour.

Isn't this true in our lives, when we are at a crossroads without the right information? I have always had trouble making decisions, and a couple of years ago I stressed out a lot of people in a lot of different situations where I kept on going back and forth in my decisions. It was extremely painful, and I have contemplated on why I wasn't able to make a choice, and honor it. 

I was making important arrangements which affected other people, based on broken signs. I was unhappy, but still didn't know which way to go. Do I go straight? Do I turn right? Should I make a left-turn now so that I don't have to make one onto a busy intersection later when I invariably need to turn around?

So WHY are the signs broken? Why did I not have the proper details and layout? One of the reasons is because I was disconnected from myself, and from God. Today I know what I need for my health and I can accept what my limitations are, and this makes decision-making more practical. But when I was not putting serenity first, I exhausted myself, and ended up failing at just about everything I took on.

My path was not straight, I did not have the focus necessary to achieve goals, because my goals had been corrupted. I had become a thankless and gratitude-seeking person who was only looking at what I could get: I had actually regressed in my spiritual quest. When we are only focussed on what we can obtain, or what we are not getting, we are in an arduous state of anxiety, worrying that we will be without.

So how did I find the right avenue? Truthfully I was beaten into a state of reasonableness, where I was desperate enough to level my pride and make choices that would alleviate my incredible discomfort. I sought out the people who could guide me and I stopped focussing on what I could get and instead starting working on what I could lose - the hurt feelings, the fake friends, and the false notion of entitlement. I had to start my life over, in a sense.

In rebuilding what I had undone, my signs became more defined. It became easier for me to make decisions, and a big factor became, where can I be the most helpful? Once I had really only this simple question to answer, it was much more easy to see through the spiritual traps of certain paths. 

Today I am guided regularly, and I am less afraid of being misdirected by my poor sense of judgement. Through wholesome guidance, I have developed an inner trust that directs me even when I need to make a fast decision. I have noticed that there will always be curveballs, but the point is to be ready in order to not be knocked down by them. Training by keeping my relationships healthy has been my spiritual remedy, because then when I am lost, I can ask for aid. 

It can still be confusing when I make directional changes, but when I am maintaining a genuine focus on my destination, in other words not thinking about my reputation, I am less likely to be erratic in my choices: my discernment becomes trustworthy. To have intuition that I can rely on has been the sweet fruit in my endeavors to seeking healthy goals, and asking for direction when lost has been monumental to my sanity. Now I can move freely, and while faith without works is dead, that is a real gift.