I wasn't feeling too optimistic about writing a piece, but my day slowed down considerably, so I decided to shuffle some cards from my Sacred Traveler deck. This card was facing upward, and it also fell out as I was shuffling. So cool, because it is so on point, and this is the first time I have had this sort of contact with the spirit world. In the not so distant past, this would have terrified me, but as I have reached the spiritual stage of apprentice, in this case the high priestess as described in the Tarot, I am wanting more and more to connect with the spirit life. I have always experienced what could be considered frightening run-ins with the spirit realm, but have never had conscious contact with it before.
Today is rainy, it is mild and has rained I think non-stop since last night, It is now almost four p.m. - that's a lot of rain, and it doesn't always rain like this, or is this mild in February. We're having a thaw, which is great because it snowed a lot a couple of weeks ago, also non-stop, and I eventually gave up shovelling.
I am also having a thaw, in my heart. While I connect to the Stoic philosophy, and the strict traditions of Christianity, I know now that my very survival, in other words my sobriety, the foundation of my mental health, depends on me not having all the answers. What I mean by this is, it's not always my season to be front and centre: sometimes I need to accept that I don't have much strength, and need to be still in the background.
In accepting the seasons of the heart, I have found more peace, because my relationships are more genuine. Today's message shows me that my healing is still taking place, and I not only require help at times, but I also need to fallback at times, as well. The problem in recovery is that it is a spiritual climb where I often forget that the summit is for myself, and no one else. If I can help another person, that is a true blessing, but I will no longer allow codependency to motivate me. My program is not a mystery school and the Steps are not degrees where I pass through levels of initiation: I must leave my reputation out of it.
This is the time for clearing, and I am not sure how much of a window I will have, so I need to make the most of it now. This means I must look at the damage, all of it, and have it removed. I know for certain that this will not happen on my own strength alone, I will need the help of others, which I was surprised is a message of the high priestess. I would have thought she would be complete and autonomous, strong as steel with the wisdom of the sages, but aide will be needed. "Aide". That's surprisingly a different word from "Aid". The first means someone of importance. I use this word with complete intention.
But it's not just an aide that I need, I need to continue working with my spirit guides, in truth, they are of greater assistance to me at this time, and the message I have been given very strongly the past week is to stay focussed. It's easy for me to retreat in complete fear of the devil, but if I keep the Cross first, ahead of me as my shield, I will rather think that any force which distracts me from my apprenticeship will be but a guiled foe.
The people who put the Cross before me were the first to initiate me with water, and I was told thereafter that rain is a reminder of my promise to God. For me, my promise is to be the best version of myself, the absolute best, and this means to live in complete harmony with others, my environment, and my circumstances. Now is the time for me to be fully healed, so that this might be accomplished. As the rain nourishes, so too is the bravery to fight the silent fight, where there is no glory, but only survival. Today I am not my best version, I still need to fake it at times. But soon, my presence shall need no words, but only the space that has been cleared by the cleansing rain.
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