It's strange how I get attached to other people's lives. Maybe someday I will understand why that is. It's definitely getting better, I am much more able to ignore what people around me are doing, but what this post is really about, is one particular person - who I've never even met, but who influenced an entire philosophy in me.
It was over five years ago when I came across a young woman who I guess you could call a YouTuber who found fame through that medium. I have zero, absolutely no idea how I came across this person's page, I am fully sure I wasn't even searching for anything remotely related to her channel, especially since what I learnt from her was a whole new community.
This woman and her partner were "twin flames" - the belief of two people who are the other half of one another, their soul split upon God's creation of them, and who are destined to reunited, but not until learning valuable lessons on (self) love. Wow, pretty cool. It really influenced me, and I thought maybe my boyfriend at the time and I were "twins". I followed this girl and her husband (who was a lot less interesting, but whatever), and I thought they were so awesome. They posted a lot of videos and pictures, hosted retreats, and just seemed really inclusive. Now, while they prematurely wedded due to immigration legal work (She's Canadian, he's American), wouldn't twin flames overcome all obstacles? NOPE! I then watched the demise of their relationship - even a pretty nasty video that he ended up posting about her.
It really affected me!! But WHY? Why did I feel personally hurt as I witnessed their separation after journeying through their love story? I watched him unite with another woman (who seemed like the antithesis of his ex-wife), and then I watched his ex slowly bring her new partner into the picture. But this couple were TWIN FLAMES!!! How could they move on like this??
This girl was considered a guru, and she was very New Age, including believing in extra dimensional beings and believed that she had extraterrestrial genes. Then with her new partner, she got pregnant, and became "normal" (Well, she could never really be normal, she is definitely outer-worldly with her lifestyle and eating habits, and her looks, tall skinny and blond, with three sisters who are also like that).
And this "normalcy" frustrated me!! Especially since I learnt all about the Twin Flame phenomenon through her, and she was supposed to BE one!! Now she's just a mommy who posts pictures of her kids on her page. She took down all of her videos and abandoned her Facebook fan page. Grrr.....I was left wondering, why am I such a sucker? Today though, I also just miss that time, my mid-thirties, getting sober, but not immersed enough that I felt I couldn't leave, or that my life would be ruined if I did drink, still thinking I could make it into a dance troupe, not two months away from turning forty...
I was jealous - how does this woman act so strange, think she's from another planet, act all gobbledygook, and then poof, she's a normal person with her own family? God definitely works in mysterious ways, and I really hope he gives me some of that citizen-of-the-world elixir soon, cause I am getting tired!
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