In sound mind

I had a really strange weekend, and now am having a really strange Monday. The stars and the weather are wacked out, and, I'm kind of enjoying it. But I'm also struggling with where my mind is to follow......I really feel disconnected from Christianity, which is the direction where my mind travels. So, I am revisiting my roots from twenty years ago - philosophy. I joined a new group on Facebook, and am really enjoying it. My mind is going in a much more healthy direction. The conversations are of quality, and I actually feel smarter...

That said, the Flat Earth Theory came up in discussion., and I had an "ah-ha" moment. At first I refused to participate in the thread, because I feel very strongly against this theory, not only because it is ludicrous but because there are many, many Americans who believe in it. Arguing FET was what got me kicked out of my favourite Christian group, which was my main support line for my crumbling faith. 

I did end up participating, and no Christianity did not enter the topic: philosophy is a fully rational discipline. In discussion, I realized the human mind is so incredibly powerful, that it will convince itself of falsities, just to not feel threatened. I realized that these born-again Christians who believe that the Bible is literal, are so primitive and mob-minded, that their very personhood depends on blindly following ideas in a perverse fear that they will be victims of rejection, where prehistoric times would have them outcast from the group and left for dead in hostile terrain. I already understood the mob-mentality of humans, but I didn't make the connection of how it is backed by such juvenile pressures, but it actually makes complete sense.

Ultimately, where I am going with this article is, I don't want to return to my religious ties - it was the mob-mentality (manifested through my underdeveloped/weak mind) which caused me to move in the direction of becoming a Bible-bearing, doctrine-ridden "real" Christian*. First, I felt insecure for not being baptized, but then I felt disingenuous when not towing the party-line. I was in a very fragile time of my life when I was initiated into the Catholic Church, and I do not believe that I was in sound-mind when I entered into this "contract".

However, I had another "ah-ha" moment today - that my endeavors in Christianity have all really just been a misdirected route to achieving sobriety (what my main focus should be). Just the same as with yoga, rehab, and relationships, I used religion to offer me a false solution to a very real problem - alcoholism. I used rules to righteousness in order to compensate for my feelings of brokenness and inferiority, though I do not need outside teachings or rules to be a good person. I had values of good living instilled in me during childhood, when I was truly teachable, and it was then when I paid my dues of being molded into a productive member of society. I was simply lucky enough to have noticed when I fell off the path; I just didn't go to the most effective resources for that support initially.

It's a huge relief to begin my transition back into secular society. What has been needed to be done, is done. Everything has been completed. All I have to do now, is enjoy my time left on this earth, which when I am not getting in my own way, really isn't that complicated.

*Note: Believing that the earth is flat is not a legitimate Christian belief and is refuted by the Vatican.