Growing through discomfort

I have been without compassion removed from a Christian group on Facebook. This was my favourite group, but I always had problems with the woman who created the group. However I got into a debate with a different administrator about the "theory" of Creationism. This man believes that the earth was created in six days and that our first parents are Adam and Eve, "because the Bible says so." (I guess he doesn't know that the creation story in the book of Genesis was actually a Babylonian myth that the Jews took back when they were released from captivity...) 

I don't believe that evolution, or the Big Bang have all the facts, I don't believe science is perfect, but I of course believe that the earth was created billions of years ago, and that we came from single cell organisms formed in the ocean, which is why we are more than eighty percent salt water. Maybe refuting this fact is too frustrating for these Bible-only literalists.

It was really painful to be removed, mostly because of the lengthy email that explained my dismissal was from the one member who I stayed for - someone who included me and respected me so much that I was always included in the posts that were directed to his fellow administrators. That meant a lot to me. He taught me so much, he inspired me and lifted me up. I dare say, I needed him for when my faith was weak.

First I was placed on a twenty-four hour suspension, but a few hours later I was notified by email that it was "unanimously" decided to remove me from the group. But I wasn't just removed - I was blocked. My brethren, my Christian support, gone. And for what? Clearly something really worth rejecting me for.

I know I am not always a ray of sunshine online, it's easy to get into debates in forums, whereas in person, I think it's fair to say all of us would show more tolerance. The man who I got into the debate with yesterday hurt me greatly in the past, though. Which was shocking, because he was my favourite admin. When I disclosed a problem that I had with a boyfriend (I felt so good in that group I would talk about things I wouldn't elsewhere), his reply was absolutely, without exaggeration, perfect. No one had ever "been present" the way he was. I found out his wife suffers the same cross that I do, which is why he was amazing. I thought, wow, I hope someday I will find a man like that. But then we got into a debate on homosexuality, and I saw how wrong and how far he took scripture to condemn it. That was when things started to change between us.

Still, we joked when we did find ourselves agreeing, and everything seemed to have settled down. I began to distance myself from comments about the world being created in six days or that we have all come from Adam and Eve - I knew better. But yesterday was different. Maybe because I am getting over a cold, maybe because I last minute cancelled a date because I was full of fear and I resented myself for it, I got involved in the thread. That was a mistake.

However it was my intention to take a break from posting (at least as much as I do), because this new year my resolution is to live with conviction. I have always been undermined, always, and I let that happen. An example is a member in the group was promoted to be a moderator at the end of December, and I knew that I never would be given that opportunity, because I come from a Catholic background, even though I was a way more active member. Once I understood the dynamics of the group, I always respected it three-fold: by keeping any Catechist teachings out of my posts, by not bringing any new age or occult interests into the group, and through this all, I even began to value Bible-only teachings.

What hurts the most, I thought the administrator who always included me would have been the voice of reason. I thought my time-out would have been until 5 pm tonight, and that he would have helped the other admins see I meant no harm. But he was the one that sided with them the hardest. Sometimes we are able to pick up and go, and sometimes that decision is made for us. I will take this opportunity to grow amid the discomfort.