Are we doing this wrong?

This is a sensitive topic and unfortunately I don't "know my audience" here on blogspot, so I need to tread lightly. I am beginning to suspect that a reason for my difficulty in forming meaningful connections with others is from fear of being let down, or in turn letting others down.

I am part of a community where we have one thing in common, and that is to get sober. We all have different reasons for choosing recovery, but the core is always the same: the emptiness of addiction, and so we identify with each other really well. I have found that the quality of my life and my program has improved because I am making the efforts to get to know people, and for them to get to know me. But this has been really difficult for me, and I see so many others who form real friendships immediately, and who have entire groups of friends within months of sobriety. 

And I envy that, but I also wonder, is the premise being lost in translation? We are all accepting and all inclusive, as we should be, but in so are we neglecting our purpose? When someone picks up a drink after a decent run of sobriety, are we really asking how that happened? People die from alcoholism, and I am beginning to suspect the fear of looking judgemental is actually clouding our judgement of how to communicate to and about members who are struggling. 

Now, people are visual, and as addicts, we tend to not see the line between real and fake, and can easily be confused by outward appearances. And generally, we are happy in meetings, a lot of the time we don't even know how on the edge someone really is. So when we see someone who is returning to the flock, we rejoice, everyone is happy, but I've never seen anyone say, "What the hell happened?" Because really, that should be the focus - what went so wrong in your twenty-four hours that you found it necessary to drink poison?

I know that we have pride, we have mob-mentality, we have insecurities and needs for connections with others, but these really shouldn't come in place of an honest appraisal - and yes, members who choose self over the program are going to be talked about and no, that is not gossip, and we need to get that straight. I know for me, I would feel like an ass if I applauded someone coming back one week, and the next week they were dead.

With this said, I am open to the idea of being wrong, because I am most certainly no expert in interpersonal relationships, and so I welcome correction from God if need be. I will not let my pride twist the reality of what recovery should be. In fact I am almost hoping I am wrong, because that would mean we don't have as much burden to bear, instead we just cheer.