Out with the old

This year coming up is especially important to me. I will be entering my fortieth year, and I have done enough healing work to now reap the fruits of my labour, and to furthermore focus on what I really want, while leaving behind what I don't.

2017 was one hell of a year, and it got sour by day 7, so this new year really isn't about it being a fresh start: chaos doesn't keep a calendar. But what matters is that my birthday is within the first quarter of the new year, so I am really putting a lot of effort into the "idea" of 2018. I am determined to not repeat the actions that do not lead to where I want to be, and I have already begun to let the things that have defined me for the past decade go.

I think I can say with confidence that my thirties were horrible. The crap that I put myself through, and for what? I have no real idea, and now I need to do some real damage control. The way that I defined myself, the way that I presented myself, the power that I gave to anyone other than myself - shall be no more. My biggest goal for 2018 is to not do anything that I did in 2017.

I have a lot to contribute to the world, and so I am now working on how to reveal my talents, which I am still discovering what those are (probably the most frustrating part). Real life hit me like a ton of bricks this year. I am still adjusting to this whole being an adult thing with sadly having nothing to show for it. That's where 2018 comes in.

Fires have gone out and I am exhausted, but I am not depressed. I know that while I am in position to reap some fruit, the cycle doesn't stop, and I must continue to cultivate my aspirations and move along in order to not only feel fulfilled, but to help others in their walks, as well.

It is time for me to transform, to leave the hurt and shame and guilt behind, and to become someone who is not only happy and free, but who can help others be that, as well. For me, the greatest gift is when my sheer presence makes someone feel safe. But today is different, because today I want to recognize my own needs, as well, and start to work toward doing what is necessary to meet my end goals. For the first time a new year really does mean out with the old.