Curiosity

I have had quite the day. A big set back that happened last week has left me feeling desperate and vulnerable, but today I have tools to recognize destructive patterns, and correct them. I fought for my mental health today, and in the end, I won. My new oracle cards came today, and this is the one that I pulled from my Doreen Virtue Magical Unicorns deck.

As I was fighting for my peace of mind today, I realized that I really do like the interests that I have, because the interests that I have work toward understanding this life. What is more important than life, than living life on life's terms? Who can do that? 

Sometimes I really don't like myself. I feel that I got dealt a rotten hand, or maybe that I didn't fold when I should have, and I lost nearly everything. I made bad decisions that nearly killed me and will take time to now maneuver around. One thing that I'm left with that really bothers me is an eccentric curiosity for the obscure. I am very emotion-based, not too logical, not too skilled, not to social, and these things have incapacitated me for most of my life. 

But I had an "ah-ha" moment at the end of my despair today, and it was that, I have in fact had a lot of success in my life, because I am sober. Not only have I defeated the darkness within me, I have accomplished feats that would make even a non-addict skirmish. 

And life matters! How we got here matters, why there is pain matters, why we have 1% elite and the rest mostly in poverty matters. I want to know about these things. I want to help.