I am part of a real geek forum. It's a really long story how I got into it, but I barely relate to the posters. Not to say that I am cool. I think anyone who reads my blogs can see that I am on the outskirts of society, but I really do not have the "geek" persona. However I have enough "geek" material from the '80's and early '90's, when I played Nintendo and Sega Genesis, and read my brother's Marvel Comic books. I even "played" with the comics. My friend and I acted out the characters with our own story-lines, and I was "Rogue". I would also copy and colour the comic book covers. And truly, those where some of, if not the best, memories of my childhood.
So I am in this group on Facebook, and the people are so dorky and good-natured. There are a lot of posts that I don't get the references to, but some I can participate in, because I know a little bit. For example I never even WATCHED Lord of the Rings, but I read The Hobbit fifteen years ago...so I have these little segways...
But a few days someone posted something about Carrie Fisher (soon after saying he knew it would "get" to someone, which actually made me feel a bit better). Her autopsy was released this week (or last week), and the amount of drugs that were found in her system actually makes me want to vomit. Coke, heroine, ecstasy....just tragic, really. But this image said that if we "judge" her, then we didn't "deserve" her. Well, being the good A.A. member that I am, who has recovered from alcoholism through the fellowship and the Steps, as guided by my sponsor, combined with my sincere dislike for the woman in general, took this opportunity to really unleash (and yes, a little to my regret).
It obviously did not go too well, other than I met two other female members who have the nearly exact same sobriety time as me. To the point it is fantastical, really (which is fitting, since the group is rooted in H.P. Lovecraft mythology). That was really cool, but ultimately, I pissed some people off. And naturally I got the "Who are you to judge...."
Which brings me to the message of this article. I have EVERY right to judge. And I know this to be true, because the ancient texts support that in this case, this IS true:
"With what judgment you judge, you will be judged; and with the measure you use, it will be measured back to you." - Matthew 7:2
I am fully OK being judged when it is regarding my alcoholism, because I am the type of member who believes that "hand-holding" is inappropriate in the Program, and if my sponsor didn't tell it like it is, and didn't call me out on my BULLSHIT, then I might not be sober today, because my break-up nearly killed me. Literally.
People respond to kindness: it did so with my previous sponsor, and with my current sponsor (whose genuine kindness drew me to ask her to work with me), and it did so through me with my sponsee and my best friend in the fellowship. But when it comes to the work, when it comes to actually GETTING sober, "kindness" has no place.
I HOPE if I ever fall, I will be brought in through compassion, tolerance, kindliness, and love, but if I stay, I hope that people don't twist the reality of the disease into "One day at a time". So judge me, I will stand before the Lord on the Last Day, and I will be accountable for the sins I committed in my active addiction, on my feet, because I know, and God knows, and everyone around me knows, that I ran the race, and I won.
"I have fought the good fight, I have finished the race, I have kept the faith." - 2 Timothy 4.7
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