As I was trying to fall asleep last night, I was thinking about interpreting the slogans from the podium at an open meeting, as I often do. While I didn't have a particular slogan in mind, I was thinking about how alcoholism, as I understand it from the Twelve and Twelve, is "A most unnatural act".
My cat was doing his thing at night, instead of cuddling with me, and I was thinking how he is doing exactly what he was designed to do, because he is nocturnal: for the most part he sleeps during the day, and roams around at night. In God's universe, there is order, and organisms do what they were designed to do, without hesitation.
But with the alcoholic, we act the opposite of nature, and we slowly kill ourselves with our drinking. Not only do we painfully poison our bodies, but we destroy the elements necessary for life: work, relationships, material comfort, hobbies, passions, and just general connection to this world and its surroundings.
Now that I am in A.A. and have recovered through the fellowship, sponsorship, and practicing the principles of the program, mostly through the step work, I act in accordance with God's will - I eat healthy, I work steady hours, I keep my house clean, I provide for my dependents (my cat and to a lesser extent my sponsee), I am immersed in my passions, which are ballet and writing, I even have a boyfriend (even though this month has been really tough for me [us]).
Today I act naturally, and sometimes, even supernaturally - with a real love for God that I demonstrate through my utmost seeking for His peace, which I receive through loving my self, my neighbour, and most importantly, my enemy. And I do receive His peace. Today I speak to my friends, old and new, I pick up the phone when it rings, I don't have scary letters coming in the mail, I wake up and I make my bed and I call on God for strength. I do my best to be hopeful of the future, and to have faith that no matter what, I will be okay and will be provided for as I live but a traveller in this world.
This to me is what living is truly about. Today, I am no longer living to die, but rather living for everlasting life. Amen.
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