There is a lot of pressure in the Fellowship to have a "perfect" program, both as a member in recovery, and also as a sponsor. But, I have always maintained that it is a personal program, in that as a sponsor, there is little that I can do, which is why I have taken the friendship, or the fellowship directive. It worked for me, and it has worked for my sponsee. Today I understand that I became an alcoholic when I fully isolated myself from my (female) friends, and I think the reason why it didn't work for my former sponsee, is because she chose her defects over friendships.
I cannot know if a person has a genuine grasp of the Steps. I cannot enter my sponsee's mind and soul and know if she even has a real Step One covered. I am only actually involved in Step 5 - that is it, and even then, I don't know if their list is exhausted. The past two days of Utmost have spoken of this very private journey. I can offer advice, I can pass on what I did, but the action needed is up to the sponsee, that's it.
"The breaking and collapse of my independence (is) brought about by my own hands, and (so is) the surrendering of my life to the supremacy of the Lord Jesus. No one can do this for me, I must do it myself."
"Our Lord never insists on obedience. He stresses very definitely what we ought to do, but He never forces us to do it. We have to obey Him out of a oneness of spirit with Him. That is why whenever our Lord talked about discipleship, He prefaced it with an 'If,' meaning, 'You do not need to do this unless you desire to do so.' 'If anyone desires to come after Me, let him deny himself…' (Luke 9:23)...The Lord does not give me rules, but He makes His standard very clear. If my relationship to Him is that of love, I will do what He says without hesitation. If I hesitate, it is because I love someone I have placed in competition with Him, namely, myself. Jesus Christ will not force me to obey Him, but I must. And as soon as I obey Him, I fulfill my spiritual destiny."
I cannot help but feel judged. I feel judged because I have never been taken through the Big Book the way that the "God" people have (therefore implying that I have not actually worked through the Steps, and subsequently that I have not taken my sponsee through them), and I feel judged more so because my previous sponsee not only relapsed, but she went to work with someone else afterward. It is of little consolation that that working relationship soon failed, as well. I have a fierce resentment to the woman who took her on, though I try to be compassionate instead.
Despite this hardship, I recall what Christ my Lord said: "Do not be discouraged if they hate you, for remember, they hated me first." My last sponsee was pure evil through and through, and a real psychopath, as the Big Book says - always going on the wagon "for keeps". She was, and still is, a person who loves darkness, because not only are her defects so massive, there is not even the willingness to be rid of them. But I can't help but wonder, is she doomed to perish, or is she just lost, and needs to be returned?
"It is essential that you give people the opportunity to act on the truth of God. The responsibility must be left with the individual— you cannot act for him. It must be his own deliberate act, but the evangelical message should always lead him to action. Refusing to act leaves a person paralyzed, exactly where he was previously. But once he acts, he is never the same." Utmost
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