Limitless

"Common sense and faith are as different from each other as the natural life is from the spiritual, and as impulsiveness is from inspiration...Until we know Jesus, God is merely a concept, and we can’t have faith in Him. But once we hear Jesus say, “He who has seen Me has seen the Father” (John 14:9) we immediately have something that is real, and our faith is limitless. "

The above excerpt from Utmost resonated with me for two reasons, 1) In the Big Book, it says, "Common sense thus becomes uncommon sense", and 2) After having seen Christ, my faith has become limitless.

In the Big Book, I actually shared once on the idea of common sense becoming uncommon sense, but I did not relate it to faith. I possibly did not know what faith was in early sobriety; after all, for years I mistook an initial spiritual experience to be my psychic change. I certainly couldn't Let Go and Let God: I have only recently stopped fighting what does not happen to my (immediate) satisfaction. 

So now when I muse on common sense becoming uncommon sense, I will approach it from the understanding that it cannot co-exist with faith - the same way that fear cannot.

And for every time I want to leave the Church, I think about what was my first real spiritual experience, when Christ appeared to me. I was high, or, coming down and trying to use different drugs to alleviate that torment, and Jesus appeared in a tree, right outside the window, almost transparent. When I was a little girl, I was terrified that Jesus was going to appear to me. I told my mother, but she said that if he did, I would feel love. I wonder if I was afraid, because somehow I knew that he would come to me when I was suffering. But she was right, I did love. Love through the act of compassion. He said, "Follow me." and while I couldn't stay sober for a couple of more years after that, I could never leave him. I can't leave him now. And to know that I know God through him, and that God knows me, reassures me that while sometimes I can't properly practice Steps Six and Seven, I remain protected. 

"For we walk by faith, not by sight." - 2 Corinthians 5.7