The past week or two I have sincerely been praying to be relieved of my impulsiveness. It is a real challenge in my life, and routinely lands me into trouble, or very awkward situations. I have finally reached a point where I see this, after (exactly) six months of excruciating consequences (that were all sorted out in the end), and where by the grace of God I have been exposed to the dangers. I know that with a contrite heart, and sincere willingness to change, he will remove this impetuosity from me. Today's Utmost reading talks about just this, in a way that I have never be shown before, and really it hit home to the point that I want to capture it, here:
"Impulsiveness is a trait of the natural life, and our Lord always ignores it, because it hinders the development of the life of a disciple. Watch how the Spirit of God gives a sense of restraint to impulsiveness, suddenly bringing us a feeling of self-conscious foolishness, which makes us instantly want to vindicate ourselves. Impulsiveness is all right in a child, but is disastrous in a man or woman— an impulsive adult is always a spoiled person. Impulsiveness needs to be trained into intuition through discipline.
Discipleship is built entirely on the supernatural grace of God. Walking on water is easy to someone with impulsive boldness, but walking on dry land as a disciple of Jesus Christ is something altogether different. Peter walked on the water to go to Jesus, but he “followed Him at a distance” on dry land (Mark 14:54)."
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