First Things First

"First seek ye the kingdom of God." (Matthew 6.33)  - This is the quote behind our slogan, "First Things First".

Most people don't know that, and the way that New Age/Eastern philosophy has infiltrated the Fellowship, nor do they care. 

I came to a critical understanding of first things first today. As a Catholic, I say my prayers in the morning and at night, I offer penance to the Virgin Mary, and sometimes I even attend church during the day, and is perhaps why I have never put too much emphasis on Step Eleven, "Sought through prayer and meditation to improve our conscious contact with God, praying only for knowledge of his will for us and the power to carry that out."

But now that I am taking a newcomer through the Steps, I realized that I have to at least try to practice prayer and meditation in a way that I can pass on through the program. The Prayer of St. Francis of Assisi, also known in the fellowship as the Eleventh Step Prayer, is the closest to an Eleventh Step that I tend to get. And it is helpful. When I was adjusting to working in a new section at the store, and was being ostracized and left out, I recited that prayer to myself, "Grant that I might not so much seek to be consoled, as to console...for it is in dying that we are born unto eternal life."

But I have recently come to realize that it does not matter how well, how often, or even how genuinely I practice the Eleventh Step. If I do not have solid footing in Steps Six and Seven (from seeing the cold stark facts about myself in a Fifth), then I have no business thinking that Step Eleven could possibly offer me any favour, or that I am deserving of any sort of absolution. As the Apostle Paul wrote, "Though I have all the faith necessary to move mountains - if I am without love, I am nothing." (1 Corinthians 13.2)

If I am so lustful that I am infringing on the autonomy of another, so greedy that I leave my peers behind, so angry that I blame those I care about, so proud that I will not treat people with due attention, or so envious that I am crippled with anxiety, then no matter how diligent my external acts are, or how sincere my intentions, my spiritual progress is at best stagnant and at worst, condemnable. 

In the program we believe that pain is a great motivator, and surrender via humiliation took me through Step One, and now Step Six as well. Today I recognize that not only can I not afford to physically slip anymore, but nor can I now spiritually, either. How can I have a program, and at the same time be getting fired, or arrested, or being disconnected from my peers and family. It is a disservice to the program, which saved my life and possibly even my soul, because it taught me how to earn what Christ said I need to do in order to gain salvation: be reborn (John 3.3).

Thank God for the patience of others, who have helped me get to where I am today, who told me the truth, and without codependency and without hurting me, helped heal me. And thank God for the gift of desperation, because when I was drowning in a sea of sin, I was offered enough grace to understand that peace comes from letting go, not from taking in. 

Recognize, release, and restore - This to me now, is First Things First.