Pentecost Sunday

Yesterday marked the end of Easter, when the Apostles received the Holy Spirit

The day before, a man from the Fellowship asked if I had received the gift of tongues when I was baptized (for I am a convert, as he is). I said no, and I realized that I had no idea what gift I received.

That night, I dreamt that I was speaking in tongues, and it was really frightening, like I was possessed. When I awoke and went to church the next morning, I didn't even know it was Pentecost. I fell into a depression after the climax of the Easter season, and haven't been too consistent in my attendance, and have been a little "out of it". But I went to confession two weeks ago, and got that all sorted out. I was so glad I went to Mass, it was a very big day in the Church; I was also amazed that the theme of tongues had kept coming up the past couple of days.

After I took the Eucharist, I asked the Father to speak to me, but nothing came. When the priest said the closing prayer/verse reading about showing the world the glory of the Lord, something like that, I thought, in my dream, there was no real marvel, it was more so just plain scary. Then I realized that the prophets were fearsome. Not because they were intimidating as people, but because their messages were often forewarning. 

And then a voice came to me, "You are a prophet", and I knew it to be true. And as I meditated on this message, I realized that I was baptized specifically to receive this gift. I didn't necessarily want to be baptized. Yes I knew that something was missing, but I was in yoga teacher training at the time, and I thought I was going to be filled with the mastery of Eastern esotericism instead. But the Church led me, and I had to heed her call, for it is written, "Let it be so now; it is proper for us to do this to fill all righteousness".

Prophets make people feel uneasy, that's why Jesus said that a prophet is not accepted in his hometown. When I was little, I was so afraid of Jesus. It was so strange, because children are taught that Jesus is all love, and all embracing. My mother had to reassure me, telling me that if he did appear to me, I would feel warmth and comfort. I aspire to be this for other people, but the message is clear: Accept your remorse, and clean up!

The Lord says that what he really wants is a broken and contrite heart. If your heart is broken, it is because there is something that you did wrong, there is something that you must confess! Look deep, because it's there, there is something there for you to be rid of that is rotting away at your soul. You're not a bad person, but you are a spiritually sick person, and your troubles are of your own making.

I used to feel sorry for people, and my entire life, I put myself down, thinking that I was either helping others to feel as good as me (or, not as bad as they actually were), or better than me. It was especially hard for me at the store. There is no kindness there, it is the epitome of the corrupted large corporation, and I felt so sorry for my co-workers, to the point that I didn't want to leave, because I felt I didn't deserve it.

But the past week, as I made my decision to work toward a fulfilling future, I realized that we have to work to be successful in life. And it's hard work, because it takes discipline. It's far easier to go and do work, typically mindless work, and to get a paycheque, than to branch off and take a new (usually frightening) direction.

Today, I know the difference between compliance and compassion, between false pride and genuine love. By staying at the store, I was confusing being a "team player" with being unmotivated. But the reality is that I am a leader, and I can see now that there is no place for real leadership in that store. And I no longer take pity upon my colleagues for their abhorrent working conditions, because I have come to realize that no one needs to be there. People get stuck in life, because they get stuck in their SINS. Most notably in this case, greed (on the management side) and sloth (on the worker side). And permit me to clarify. I mean "sloth" in the, just roll-over-and-die, go out with a whimper,  sense. We are spread thin, and I use NO exaggeration when I say that "they" would use whips, if they could.

Be happy. Look to the Lord, be perfect like He is. Why are you not perfect? Why are you resentful of the past, empty of hope in the present, and full of fear for the future? What are you holding onto that is preventing you from being satisfied? Is it anger? jealousy? lust? Are your defects eating away at your connection to God, and to your ambitions?

Cut it out at the root by being honest with yourself and with someone else who is in a position to help and offer direction, and finally, be FREE from the powers of darkness, be abundant in good fruits, and go in PEACE! 

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