In God's time

When I had put it aside

I thought I really didn’t want it

I thought I was just protecting myself

And only interested to flaunt it. 

But now that I see

I let fear keep me away

That I disobeyed God

And let the Devil lead me astray.

As if I didn't jump for joy
As if I didn't slightly tear
As if I didn't thank the stars
So grateful I persevered.

I can’t go back now

It’s too far in the game

I can’t get it together

I can’t catch it up and still make

The requirements needed

It won’t wait and I know

This was my own selfish doing

And by now, it is gone.

And I think what hurts most

Is not so much the wait

But realizing they don’t see 

By then it might be too late.

It isn’t even there

That idea that I could be

Normal in society

With instincts so healthy.

But maybe that’s just it.
Did I not complete that first step

And did I not take an oath
To sacrifice and relent

And then go out into the world
To proclaim the great news
So I may fish for those souls
Who have not yet been healed.

Those poor unfortunates
Who are just as I then was

So used up and alone

So disgustingly lost

I suppose it is good

That I can just take this time

To work and to rest

And give away what’s now mine.