The Day of Truth

I had about two months of feeling really great. Light and bright, I even tried to put some highlights in my hair to reflect my energy. After a reaction with Henna dye on previous chemical dye, the highlights turned blue, and I had to go even darker than my natural shade to cover it up! And this can be representative of my mood shift.

I've been feeling heavy again, though I am resisting that angry part of me that wants to dance with devils, fight with anything and compile evidence against everything. I have had to take a second job, so I've been pulling 12 hour days most of my weeks, which is not actually so bad if I don't throw myself any pity parties, but my problem is that I've been getting told to look at myself for the inappropriate behaviour of others, which is just a politically correct way to say I deserve it. (I work as a bartender, which, while quite the craft, is dangerously threatening the serenity of my sensitive soul).

I have always had a sense of entitlement, of having blue blood despite my absolute lack of high placement in society, and recently I've been realizing how insane that mentality is. And though I've been told it for years, I am also now realizing that life is not fair, it is a game full of cheaters who don't get caught, or if they do, buy their way out. But really, do I have to let this bother me? Absolutely not!

The past few weeks I've had some invasive thoughts, and it's been really annoying because it's getting to the point where my mind is still, I'll notice that, and then it's like I need to shove something disturbing in. Determined to not jeopardize my 35-is-my-best-year-yet high, I've been trying to think what I can do to prevent this irritation, which is a bit challenging because it mostly happens before sleep and upon waking from it: times where I don't want to use much energy, so mantras or what not are not desirable.

Today I came across Leija Turunen's status update about her method of being thankful when in need of a shift change, and gave some examples, seemingly very silly things. Since I am drained today to the point that it's bringing me down, I tried it. I have a cute hair clip that fell on the floor, and as I picked it up I was thankful because it's nice to have a unique little decorative hair pin. Then I was thankful to have some Polysporin to rub on my stress-worn thumb cuticle. I guess being outright conscientiously thankful works, because I developed the strength and will to write my June blog.

Which leads me to it - how to manage in an unfair world, and what I think of God's vindicating wrath.

I have had two spiritual practices, Yoga and Catholicism, both of which pass on teachings of judgement to come. The former states reincarnation, the latter states heaven and purgatory (hell, which challengers would say in place of purgatory, is so incredibly rare even by Catholicism's standards, as it was designed for a more powerful being than man).

I assert it's neither; at least not the way that we understand it.

I think the problem with making sense of retribution is in trying to understand death rather than life. For me, it is nonsensical to live by a rule stating what happens in the here and now will be justified in a life that no one has experienced.

The Old Testament is riddled with verses of a cruel and jealous god, determined to avenge his people, or to punish those who strayed, in turn rewarding those who didn't. But I imagine that God does not have the same standards as us, so if we want vengeance, it can, I think, be safely asserted that therefore God does not.

Jesus said that if we know him then we know the Father, but that we do not know either. Jesus was considered a heretic, and I imagine one way was in his teaching of turning the other cheek. I believe the Old Testament was written by an emotional people, subject to slavery, exile, and ridicule, who simply wrote the best way they understood. 

As for reincarnation - what a foul teaching! We think that enlightenment comes from Eastern culture, meanwhile, their cities have a larger gap between the rich and poor than in North America. According to the law of karma, every bad thing that happens to a person is deserved! I won't even give examples of how disgusting this teaching is.

I believe:

1) Life is unfair and we will probably never know why. If we just suck it up and do our best to live honest lives and to respect, and ideally have compassion, toward others, we will be more than alright.

2) We do not know what is on the other side, though the few mediums whom I've listened to on a conspiracy radio talk show who supposedly communicate with souls that have passed over, talk about a pretty pleasant other-world, and paint portraits that I myself would prefer to look at.

3) We are all equal and God loves and forgives each person unconditionally. While this is mind-blowing to us, He does not seek the retribution that we do, and the scriptures, while of God, are not 100% percent verbatim :)

I think we are in an age of truth, which can be considered the final days before the great revelation. But unlike the end-timers, I do not believe in the rage that God has for the world and its people, and I also believe that equating war and natural disaster to sin is both outdated and disgraceful.

Instead, I believe that a sign of the Day of Truth is when honesty and kindness become more valuable than beauty and gold, because they are the tools to living a peaceful life, and that is really all any of us ever really wants.