Not Going Home, For Home Never Was

In this cancel culture of "Go home", whether for socio-political advancement, or for public safety during the 2020 pandemic, I am reflective of what "home" really is. 

So much of my recovery this past decade has been trying to return to this idea of where I came from, and how my memories of old have either been contorted, or lost. Indeed, the collective consciousness itself cries out to return to a sort of Eden, and I have come to realize that the appropriate response to this lamentation, is to stop looking to recollect these days of old, and to start building new ideas and structures of who we  are, and where we come from. 

One of the best quotes I have heard regarding this global crisis is from author and activist, Sonya Renee Taylor, who posted to her Instagram account, "We will not go back to normal. Normal never was. Our pre-corona existence was never normal other than we normalized greed, inequity, exhaustion, depletion, extraction, disconnection, confusion, rage, hoarding, hate and lack. We should not long to return, My friends. We are being given the opportunity to stitch a new garment. One that fits all of humanity and nature."

I believe this quote epitomizes the crossroad we are at, and is also an invitation to abandon our preconceived notions of what success looks like to us, and to establish new ways of living in freedom and dignity for all. 

Next month this blog will reach its ten year anniversary. I am incredibly proud of this blog and what I accomplished as a writer on it. This collection of work illustrates my journey back home, the messiness of the past decade through the early days of my recovery journey. Today though, almost on cue, as I have intended for a couple of years now that this blog would not be active past it's ten year mark, I ascertain that it's not about returning anywhere, it's about forging new grounds, new ideas, and new goals unlike what I had the capacity to conceive. 

A mixture of morbidity and release encompass my heart as I draw a completion to this body of work, as I embark on new adventures that take me out of my comfort zone and into a new realm of tension and growth, of acceptance and connection. The return to Eden is not up to me to find or circumvent: my journey, our journey, is to go forward, not backward.

This concludes my journey, "From Within" (or, "The Good Wheel"). This project is one of the only things I have been consistent with, and knowing when to let it go, for me, is a sign of real growth. I will share my new website next month, on this site's ten year anniversary. 

Blessings to all, love to all, peace to all. 

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