This Advent season the Lord has caused me to withdrawal from the arcane world almost to the point of spiritual aridity. But in my redemption story I now know that when nothing inspires me, it is because God has willed it, not because I am not working hard enough. And in this time of retreat, I have been given an incredible revelation that is so simple on the outside, and so fundamental, but something I could not practice because deep down on the inside, I didn't actually understand it.
And the lesson revealed to me is that vengeance is the Lord's - not mine. Most of my troubles have been because I was assuming God's role of vindication by utilizing anger and malice, and I didn't even know it. I had no idea what it meant when people said to see the forest from the trees, but now I know that when I see a rotted tree, I try to burn down the entire forest, instead of letting God take care of what I perceive to be an ugliness. I refuse the Godly path of non destruction that I thought I had the right and privilege to reject when confronted with crisis.
Oswald Chambers said that the greatest crisis we will ever face in our lives is choosing between ourselves, and God. I thought I was choosing God time and again, but I was actually choosing myself by playing the role of Judge, when I was not appointed to be that. And this is the greatest sin of the world - to believe that we have been lied to, and that the hidden truth is that we really do know best, and are therefore qualified to make decisions based on immediate self-satisfaction.
How reprehensible the amount of pain I have caused others in self-righteous action and words because there was a tree in the forest which as we walked through I would find repugnant and then force us out of when it was not my business to navigate. I had no thought of feelings, consequences, or gifts that God gives which I was denying and even stealing from the experiences of others, and that theft is what hurts the most.
This revelation has been God's Christmas gift to me, that I might know to stop acting with spite, and start acting in the perfect idea of what God intends for me, which is love and that comes in the form of letting those trees which I find objectionable, be. Because it's not my right, my job, my responsibility, or my salvation to rebuke, correct, affront, or even discern their existence, or where other people's relation to them is or ought to be.
I thought that I could create my own happiness but now I know there are too many players, too many trees, and too many motives to have everyone and everything working in any sort of harmony by my own making. This Advent God has asked me "Are you ready?" and as the stars which showed up for duty, I reply, "Yes". Yes I am ready to stop hurting people when I am not pleased. Yes I am ready to not sulk when I am disappointed. Yes I am ready to take a deep breath before doing something I will soon after regret.
The forest might at times be haunted, but with the Holy Ghost giving the directions, there is no tree I can't pass by without fear or harm.
And the lesson revealed to me is that vengeance is the Lord's - not mine. Most of my troubles have been because I was assuming God's role of vindication by utilizing anger and malice, and I didn't even know it. I had no idea what it meant when people said to see the forest from the trees, but now I know that when I see a rotted tree, I try to burn down the entire forest, instead of letting God take care of what I perceive to be an ugliness. I refuse the Godly path of non destruction that I thought I had the right and privilege to reject when confronted with crisis.
Oswald Chambers said that the greatest crisis we will ever face in our lives is choosing between ourselves, and God. I thought I was choosing God time and again, but I was actually choosing myself by playing the role of Judge, when I was not appointed to be that. And this is the greatest sin of the world - to believe that we have been lied to, and that the hidden truth is that we really do know best, and are therefore qualified to make decisions based on immediate self-satisfaction.
How reprehensible the amount of pain I have caused others in self-righteous action and words because there was a tree in the forest which as we walked through I would find repugnant and then force us out of when it was not my business to navigate. I had no thought of feelings, consequences, or gifts that God gives which I was denying and even stealing from the experiences of others, and that theft is what hurts the most.
This revelation has been God's Christmas gift to me, that I might know to stop acting with spite, and start acting in the perfect idea of what God intends for me, which is love and that comes in the form of letting those trees which I find objectionable, be. Because it's not my right, my job, my responsibility, or my salvation to rebuke, correct, affront, or even discern their existence, or where other people's relation to them is or ought to be.
I thought that I could create my own happiness but now I know there are too many players, too many trees, and too many motives to have everyone and everything working in any sort of harmony by my own making. This Advent God has asked me "Are you ready?" and as the stars which showed up for duty, I reply, "Yes". Yes I am ready to stop hurting people when I am not pleased. Yes I am ready to not sulk when I am disappointed. Yes I am ready to take a deep breath before doing something I will soon after regret.
The forest might at times be haunted, but with the Holy Ghost giving the directions, there is no tree I can't pass by without fear or harm.
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