God's footstool

I have been dabbling in atheism. The truth is my life has improved exponentially the past week. I won't get into it, because I don't feel like disclosing the pain that has been released (or at least relocated), but I will say, I have been participating in the best online community I have even come across, and this includes when I was obsessed with MySpace more than ten years ago now.

And yet there was something missing. I found solace in chaos theory, because it helped me really let go, and even to be less obsessive compulsive, but even that stopped working once I found a damning hole in the theory: fractuals - a never-ending pattern...sounds pretty organized to me. Fortunately in my atheist forum, I was (re)introduced to Taosim, and it seems really great for me right now. Whatever I chose, my recovery must come first, but even in my atheism, I had zero problem with the meetings, fellowship, or literature. 

But last night I was thanking a fellow member for coming through for me the past month. She was so on top of it, right from the beginning. I have never met anyone like that before. I have also heard her share in closed meetings, and speak in an open one once, and even before I discovered how reliable she is, I knew she was so solid, and rocked a real program, because she knows that alcoholism is a real disease that kills people, and she has lost several friends to it.

In saying I was surprised at her reliability, that it is really difficult to come across people like that, and she said something along the lines of, "It's that Jesus within me", gesturing toward her heart-stomach area. I was blown away; I didn't even know that she was a Christian. I told her about my troubles with the faith, mostly the unbelievable story of the resurrection, and that I did find a church that I really liked, until the pastor said he spoke in tongues daily, which just spooked me right out, and I won't go back.

I asked her what her denomination is, and she said evangelist baptist, and I was on board. I always liked baptist theology, most notably, the preacher Oswald Chambers. 

I looked into "evangelist baptists" and I came across a great site. It is exactly what I need, because Catholicism hasn't really worked for me in well over a year. I needed to become a baptized Christian, and the Catholic church I visited (my last resort, really) was the only one interested enough to baptize me. Catholicism is strict, mostly because the Eucharist is the centre of its faith, and that takes incredible disciple and conviction to follow through with. And at the time, Catholicism was perfect for me - and stayed so for many, many years. It was the perfect transition and release from my kundalini yoga practice, which was so strict and where I took it to the fullest dogma that I had a psychotic break, which would not be remedied until a wonderful doctor prescribed me the RIGHT medication, this was coming up to 10 years ago.

Now I am looking into Taoism, while developing a personal relationship to the faith of Christianity though the baptist tradition, and most notably by following ONLY the Gospels.

I believe that the word "gospel" has been translated to mean "good news" as a conspiracy - that it really translates to mean "God's spell". This world is evil. There is a beautiful order, but it is violent. Every organism must be sacrificed to another for the predator's survival. I really believe that this world is God;s footstool, as is written.

I view this world like a playground - heaven knows we are all immature. When out on recess or lunch, there is one, maybe two teachers supervising, but ultimately the kids are on their own. I remember being teased, bullied, even held down and punched. This for me is the world. God is there, for sure, but we are still autonomous, and even the demons are his creation, and they demons, are roaming, and more powerful than us. They are the bullies, they are the ones who would rather see us off the school grounds. But no, with 'God's spell", we are more than assisted, and can without even effort, defeat Satan's spells.

Today, I reject ALL books of the Bible except the GOSPELS - the first four books of the New Testament. The Old Testament, the book of Acts, the epistles, Revelation - they can be ripped out of MY religion. My Lord and Saviour is JESUS CHRIST. Not Jesus of Nazareth, Jesus THE CHRIST.

No author, no contradiction, no teachings of hatred and intolerance, no assertions that are not in the Gospels, will never once again be given by me a second thought. Amen.