Thank you to the documentary American Gospel: Christ Alone, which so intelligently and yet simplistically taught me how the Antichrist is showing himself in our churches today. And also to the guidance of the Holy Spirit who led me to repentance from my self-love, giving me real experiences in order to help me honestly testify Christ crucified.
In my conviction of the Holy Spirit, the leveling of pride, and my willingness to be teachable and accountable, I attended my first Baptist church service. During the songs and even prayer, I kept noticing how I was expecting a word or phrase to pop up that would somehow praise or give acknowledgement to me. I have begun to relate to how New Age practices made ME God, how I made myself all powerful and glorious. I realized how deeply rooted this self-deification is, as I oftentimes didn't catch my thinking until God was worshiped and I remembered, "Oh right, this is about God, not me."
But by the grace of the triune God I have found a fellowship of believers who actually study the Bible and know the language of the Lord, and I am in awe of God because my faith has been lifted up, through the body of Christ. (1 Thessalonians 5:11). When the Bible says to "fear the Lord", what it really means is to be "in awe of" the Lord. To fear the Lord does not mean to literally be afraid of God, it means to respect and venerate. A true believer could never be afraid of God, for God so loved the world that he gave us his only begotten Son. (John 3:16) The apostle John taught us that God is love, and there is no fear in love. (1 John 4:8)
The way that I was living though, in New Age and self-help jargon, I should have been afraid, because making myself as powerful as God or even "a" god, is an absolutely terrifying thought to me today, and undoing the teachings that I AM...(insert "amazing", "gifted", "deserving", etc.) literally cut God off of the brilliance that is due to HIM, not me. For a time, I saw nothing wrong with being a magician. I felt like I was finally becoming successful with my worldly thinking, not even knowing I was sowing seeds on the falsehood that this world in which I planted was my birthright.
As I fought back tears during the songs of worship, remembering that I am resurrected ONLY because the resurrected Christ paid my debt with His own blood. I consciously must now live IN Christ after erroneously thinking that I didn't need a savior. I had succumb to the people who talk about positive thinking and affirmations, because I was afraid that if I were to succumb to Christ, I wouldn't fit in or do a good job at work. People might think that "Fear the Lord" means that God will punish us, without realizing that in reality we just fear each other. In desperation to fit in we make compromises that can (and probably will) destroy our souls. Jesus warned us about this when he told us to not fear he who can destroy the body, but fear he who can destroy both the body and soul in hell. (Matthew 10:28) Once I stopped fearing people as much as I was, I saw clearly enough the path toward Calvary, and life became a lot less unfair because I was no longer entitled, and that gave me God's peace. (John 14:27)
I am so grateful that the Lord humbled me so that I can begin to correct my distorted thinking. I do this by praying to God each morning that I might remember Him in all things that I do. Since my conversion I have a new sense of direction. I am even doing well in a competitive money-based sales position because God is answering my prayers and is indeed strengthening me to follow Him all throughout my day. I am more confident to not allow certain people into my circle of friends, and I have a sense of direction in loving Jesus that gives me hope that I will sow seeds not in fertile soil, but where my true inheritance resides.
It has been fascinating to unravel the delusion of grandeur in my mind. I wonder how many others trust their own godhood, leaving the one true God almost entirely out of the equation to a fulfilling life. It is challenging to humble myself, but rewarding to reconsider God in a way where He is limitless, and I am not. It disturbs me to recognize that I had the roles in my relationship with Jesus backwards. But this is where God is merciful, and where the fear of the Lord is actually the awesomeness of the Lord.
Time and again, I forget that Jesus' grace is sufficient, (2 Corinthians 12:9) but I am lovingly brought back to God's kingdom, and that is magnificent.
In my conviction of the Holy Spirit, the leveling of pride, and my willingness to be teachable and accountable, I attended my first Baptist church service. During the songs and even prayer, I kept noticing how I was expecting a word or phrase to pop up that would somehow praise or give acknowledgement to me. I have begun to relate to how New Age practices made ME God, how I made myself all powerful and glorious. I realized how deeply rooted this self-deification is, as I oftentimes didn't catch my thinking until God was worshiped and I remembered, "Oh right, this is about God, not me."
But by the grace of the triune God I have found a fellowship of believers who actually study the Bible and know the language of the Lord, and I am in awe of God because my faith has been lifted up, through the body of Christ. (1 Thessalonians 5:11). When the Bible says to "fear the Lord", what it really means is to be "in awe of" the Lord. To fear the Lord does not mean to literally be afraid of God, it means to respect and venerate. A true believer could never be afraid of God, for God so loved the world that he gave us his only begotten Son. (John 3:16) The apostle John taught us that God is love, and there is no fear in love. (1 John 4:8)
The way that I was living though, in New Age and self-help jargon, I should have been afraid, because making myself as powerful as God or even "a" god, is an absolutely terrifying thought to me today, and undoing the teachings that I AM...(insert "amazing", "gifted", "deserving", etc.) literally cut God off of the brilliance that is due to HIM, not me. For a time, I saw nothing wrong with being a magician. I felt like I was finally becoming successful with my worldly thinking, not even knowing I was sowing seeds on the falsehood that this world in which I planted was my birthright.
As I fought back tears during the songs of worship, remembering that I am resurrected ONLY because the resurrected Christ paid my debt with His own blood. I consciously must now live IN Christ after erroneously thinking that I didn't need a savior. I had succumb to the people who talk about positive thinking and affirmations, because I was afraid that if I were to succumb to Christ, I wouldn't fit in or do a good job at work. People might think that "Fear the Lord" means that God will punish us, without realizing that in reality we just fear each other. In desperation to fit in we make compromises that can (and probably will) destroy our souls. Jesus warned us about this when he told us to not fear he who can destroy the body, but fear he who can destroy both the body and soul in hell. (Matthew 10:28) Once I stopped fearing people as much as I was, I saw clearly enough the path toward Calvary, and life became a lot less unfair because I was no longer entitled, and that gave me God's peace. (John 14:27)
I am so grateful that the Lord humbled me so that I can begin to correct my distorted thinking. I do this by praying to God each morning that I might remember Him in all things that I do. Since my conversion I have a new sense of direction. I am even doing well in a competitive money-based sales position because God is answering my prayers and is indeed strengthening me to follow Him all throughout my day. I am more confident to not allow certain people into my circle of friends, and I have a sense of direction in loving Jesus that gives me hope that I will sow seeds not in fertile soil, but where my true inheritance resides.
It has been fascinating to unravel the delusion of grandeur in my mind. I wonder how many others trust their own godhood, leaving the one true God almost entirely out of the equation to a fulfilling life. It is challenging to humble myself, but rewarding to reconsider God in a way where He is limitless, and I am not. It disturbs me to recognize that I had the roles in my relationship with Jesus backwards. But this is where God is merciful, and where the fear of the Lord is actually the awesomeness of the Lord.
Time and again, I forget that Jesus' grace is sufficient, (2 Corinthians 12:9) but I am lovingly brought back to God's kingdom, and that is magnificent.
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